Elder-caregivers

Habibi

(3,602 posts)

15. Well, as someone on the other thread pointed out,

Sat Oct 11, 2014, 05:54 AM

Oct 2014

"No" is a complete sentence.

I understand that you love them and want to help them. But, as you fully recognize, you are underweight and hypertensive, and you shouldn't be lifting stuff.

I suggest practicing saying "No, I can't lift stuff." If they decide to go it alone and try to do it themselves, that's on them. Stupid, but on them. At some point, elders who still have their marbles need to take responsibility for the fact that they need help, and overloading a daughter isn't the way to get it.

Look in the paper or online for a "no job too small" type of handyman, or call a local school or youth center or church (are they churched?) and try to find another helper for them. Seriously. You can't go on like this.

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Help [View all] Aerows Oct 2014 OP

Over a period of years, I had to hire part time and then full time live-in help. NYC_SKP Oct 2014 #1

I've been called every name in the book Aerows Oct 2014 #3

Start with boundaries. Hell Hath No Fury Oct 2014 #2

I'm not capable of a bunch of manual labor Aerows Oct 2014 #4

I completely understand. Hell Hath No Fury Oct 2014 #5

I've done the best I can Aerows Oct 2014 #6

There's a tendency for us to feel guilty, after years of wanting to be a good child, NYC_SKP Oct 2014 #7

I've always stepped up Aerows Oct 2014 #8

Getting screamed at and told Aerows Oct 2014 #9

Going it alone is triple hard. Thankfully, I have a local God sister. NYC_SKP Oct 2014 #11

I'm having a rough time Aerows Oct 2014 #12

I'm okay with going up on ladders Aerows Oct 2014 #10

How is it going, Aerows? Habibi Oct 2014 #13

Better, I guess Aerows Oct 2014 #14

Well, as someone on the other thread pointed out, Habibi Oct 2014 #15

I used the word NO. Aerows Oct 2014 #17

I effectively used the word "NO" Aerows Oct 2014 #16