Atheists & Agnostics

Warpy

(113,131 posts)

1. First, find your particular deity

Sun Jul 16, 2017, 03:12 PM

Jul 2017

and remember, the text isn't going to be written by you, it's being dictated/inspired by said deity, either directly or through a subordinate. Both are invisible, of course, and highly meddlesome in human affairs.

Condemn other deities and dehumanize anyone who believes in such nonsense as other holy texts.

Justify vicious behavior toward people who disagree and especially toward anyone who is not in a position to fight back, like women and children. Remind them they are doing the deity's work, but don't admit your invisible deity needs their help because he can't do anything himself. Oh, and all modern deities do have to have penises.

And the more stupid and inconvenient rules you can come up with for everything from clothing to food to sex to how much time has to be devoted to the deity will help, especially if 90% of those rules are stupid and inconvenient for women, only.

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How to Write a Holy Text [View all] Brainstormy Jul 2017 OP

First, find your particular deity Warpy Jul 2017 #1

Dietary laws must forbid pasta because, you know, Pastafarians. n/t Binkie The Clown Jul 2017 #4

Trying to slide on that one in this chapter because Brainstormy Jul 2017 #9

your third point Brainstormy Jul 2017 #13

You also need an anti-diety. Mr.Bill Jul 2017 #2

Got it Brainstormy Jul 2017 #6

You need four or five waring dieties. Everyone has to pick one to worship... Binkie The Clown Jul 2017 #3

got to think about that Brainstormy Jul 2017 #10

Who needs a Satan when you have competing false gods to lead you astray? Binkie The Clown Jul 2017 #19

You have to say how any other books purporting to be the holy word are false. Solly Mack Jul 2017 #5

Ok, so let's see Brainstormy Jul 2017 #7

You're way ahead of the game! Just be sure to trademark! Solly Mack Jul 2017 #8

wow! I'll be coming back to this well! Brainstormy Jul 2017 #11

You might want to consider at least one hymn. Solly Mack Jul 2017 #12

Great! Brainstormy Jul 2017 #15

I can see that being a problem. There is a lot that can be used. Solly Mack Jul 2017 #16

Tell a big lie, repeat for a couple thousand years. n/t rzemanfl Jul 2017 #14

That works. Brainstormy Jul 2017 #17

Part of the lie would be immortality so you didn't have to trust folks to carry on for you. rzemanfl Jul 2017 #18

I think it's very simple. Fear is at the core. Lint Head Jul 2017 #20

Um... Lordquinton Jul 2017 #21

That's pretty good Brainstormy Jul 2017 #31

Did I miss this? Did anyone say miracles? Defying nature with some mystifying happenings rurallib Jul 2017 #22

I've included a section on Miracles and Magic Brainstormy Jul 2017 #27

You don't write a holy text... uriel1972 Jul 2017 #23

One idea... NeoGreen Jul 2017 #24

Thanks Brainstormy Jul 2017 #25

Wandering a desert for forty years Glamrock Jul 2017 #26

1. A divine authority. 2. A principle that must be obeyed. 3. People who refuse the principle. DetlefK Jul 2017 #28

Be sure to include many inconsistencies and contradictions in your holy book True Dough Jul 2017 #29

Thanks! Brainstormy Jul 2017 #30