My father tried to argue with me over religion. I told him

[Act_of_Reparation]

9. Oh, that's nothing.

In 1 Samuel 5-6, the Philistines capture the Ark of the Covenant and take to the temple of Dagon in Ashdod. The Philistines place the Ark beside the statue of Dagon, and when they return in the morning they find the statue has toppled over, face-first, onto the floor. The Philistines think little of it and return Dagon to his standing position. The next morning, the statue has fallen again. This time, the statue breaks into several pieces. God's subtlety is lost on the Philistines, however, so he moved to more drastic measures: he curses the people of Ashdod with mice and hemorrhoids (or tumors).

Understandably distressed, the Philistines ask how to make things right with such an infantile deity. The answer: offer up 5 golden hemorrhoids and 5 golden mice, and return the Ark to the Israelites posthaste.