as opposed to just waffling and wondering, I was sure, for a while, that god was going to strike me dead for blasphemy. I was walking on eggs waiting for it to happen. Finally, a few years later, I began to realize that god was not going to strike me dead, and I stopped worrying about it. (Also, I begin to doubt that god was really watching everything I did when I hit puberty and did a few things I didn't want god to know about! 
)
I also went through a cop-out phase where when people would ask I would reply "I believe in god, but I don't believe in religion." That was sort of my security blanket phase. Letting go, but not quite letting go all the way. So I can understand the fear of divine retribution. I lived it for a couple of years straight.
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