Salon: “I just don’t believe this anymore”: Why I abandoned my faith

[Binkie The Clown]

Americans are leaving their religions at a faster rate than ever before, and that means more are looking for help with the transition. People who are casually religious may walk away and not look back. But for others religion is at the very heart of their identity, worldview and community, and having a safe place to process doubts can be a metaphorical godsend.

“Reclaimers,” people who are actively working to rebuild their lives after a period of religious immersion, may struggle with harmful ideas and emotions from the beliefs they once held or the behavior of fellow believers. Alternately, they may find that leaving is lonely and disorienting. Marlene Winell, a human development consultant who assists people leaving their religion, coined the term Religious Trauma Syndrome to describe a pattern she saw in some clients, in particular those leaving closed, authoritarian, fear-based communities. But even doubters who don’t experience this level of distress may find themselves feeling confused, afraid, self-doubting or overwhelmed.

Since 2009, a small nonprofit called Recovering From Religion, has worked to serve this population by establishing peer support groups, organizing “Recovering Your Sexuality” classes, and providing a matchmaking service for clients seeking therapists who are committed to a secular approach. In March, Recovering From Religion launched a hotline, 1-84-I-DoubtIt, staffed by a cadre of volunteers trained in listening and crisis triage techniques. From years of daily emails and calls to their office, the staff knew there was an unmet need. Even so, they were caught off guard by the response—over 1,000 calls in the first six weeks.

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[Warpy]

1. Yes, that first nagging question causes the cascade of other questions

No wonder the godly consider us such a threat. We've not only asked the questions, we've survived the uncomfortable answers without becoming raving psychopaths.

That is deeply threatening to them.

[Novara]

4. Also? We've asked the questions....

....and haven't received "divine retribution." No wonder they hate us. Imagine spending your whole life with the only thing keeping you acting like a decent human being the fear of being struck by lightning. Or maybe you don't have to imagine. Many of us lived that way until we got wise.

I wonder sometimes if they also question but are too damn fearful to voice it.

[Binkie The Clown]

5. When I was 7 or 8 years old and stopped believing full time,

as opposed to just waffling and wondering, I was sure, for a while, that god was going to strike me dead for blasphemy. I was walking on eggs waiting for it to happen. Finally, a few years later, I began to realize that god was not going to strike me dead, and I stopped worrying about it. (Also, I begin to doubt that god was really watching everything I did when I hit puberty and did a few things I didn't want god to know about! )

I also went through a cop-out phase where when people would ask I would reply "I believe in god, but I don't believe in religion." That was sort of my security blanket phase. Letting go, but not quite letting go all the way. So I can understand the fear of divine retribution. I lived it for a couple of years straight.

[Novara]

6. "I believe in god, but I don't believe in religion."

I did that for a long time too.

Grew up Catholic, left the church when I hit college. Went back almost 20 years later when my sister died and her funeral mass was in the church I grew up. In many ways I was a better Catholic that time around because I questioned more and paid a lot more attention. Then the progressive Catholic church I knew from the 60s became much more dogmatic and regressive and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I haven't looked back. Leaving the second time around, I had no illusions that I'd be struck dead for blasphemy. I just finally knew there was no god, no heaven, and if there's hell, many could lay claim to it being this existence here on earth. I can't reconcile the devastation, hate, cruelty, killing, etc with some sort of divine controller. Nope.

We're humans, we make our own trouble. If we're smart, we manage to get ourselves out of it as well. But if we don't, it's our own fault. Ain't nobody up there making decisions on who is more worthy of grace than another. Nobody will save us - it's up to us to do the best we can to help out each other. What a cop-out, eh? I don't have to lift a finger to help my fellow man because if they're worthy, they'll receive divine help. It just doesn't work that way.

I never wanted kids, and one of the stupidest responses I've received has been "what if people stop having kids? The species will die out." Well, then maybe the fucking planet might have a chance to survive. We're sure not doing it any favors. What makes humans so special anyway? We screw up everything! So we die out as a species. So what?

[mr blur]

2. Who knows, at this rate you might end up with Presidential candidates saying,

"No, of course I don't believe in God, do you think I'm crazy or something?"

[bvf]

3. I give it a few decades at least, but it's a wonderful thought . n/t.