Here's what us athiests really need:

[Binkie The Clown]

We should take some text, say Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and mark it of into short book:chapter:verse divisions just like the Bible, and when someone debates us by quoting the Bible, book, chapter and verse we can reply by quoting something relevant to our own point of view, authoritatively giving them book:chapter:verse of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland to prove our point.

The fact that most of the text is rambling nonsense shouldn't deter us, after all, we can cherry-pick the most relevant passages and bend them to our purposes just as well as the Bible-thumpers can. After all, didn't Alice herself prophesy that such a book would be written when she said "There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought!" (Second Rabbit Chapter 4, verse 9) And since Alice is eternal (II Rabbit 4:12 "'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I NEVER get any older than I am now?") she must be the daughter of god.

As to why this particular book should be treated as a holy book, it's a mystery, and like it says in the Chronicles of the Tea Party, Chapter 7, verse 23: "Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better with the time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'"

Or is there another book that would make a better "Holy Scripture" for us to quote chapter and verse from? Maybe Finnegan's Wake? According to Wikipedia, Finnegan's Wake...

... is significant for its experimental style and reputation as one of the most difficult works of fiction in the English language. Written in Paris over a period of seventeen years, and published in 1939, two years before the author's death, Finnegans Wake was Joyce's final work. The entire book is written in a largely idiosyncratic language, consisting of a mixture of standard English lexical items and neologistic multilingual puns and portmanteau words, which many critics believe were attempts to recreate the experience of sleep and dreams. Owing to the work's expansive linguistic experiments, stream of consciousness writing style, literary allusions, free dream associations, and abandonment of narrative conventions, Finnegans Wake remains largely unread by the general public.

That sounds like a perfect religious text just waiting to be "creatively interpreted' in order to prove any point whatsoever.