Sorry for the late response. I know how loneliness hurts, especially on the longest night. Have you nobody in Portland that you can confide in? I'll tell you the story of how I came to be in Seattle; it's where I experienced the loneliest feelings ever:
Back in 1991, after my own father threw me out of the house I was renting from him (I'm his first born from his first marriage) because he wanted 'his son' (my half-brother) to live in the house, I packed up my little pickup truck and headed west. I didn't care where I was going; I just knew I had to leave Illinois. I did prepare a little for this by sending out resumes` within the company I was working. This was in a chain of nursing homes where I was working at the time as a CNA. I got replies from throughout the Pacific NW that if I got out there, I would be employed. Anyway, after I drove through Iowa, I felt the loneliest I have ever felt in all my life. I had left all family, friends, and foes behind. Everything I knew was changing, but I wasn't being dragged by the fates, I was letting them lead me. I pushed on, doing saltwater meditations to clear my head and asking the Goddess for guidance. Somewhere in Montana, on a mountain pass where the wind was whipping up that 'sideways' rain, I saw a hitchhiker. Stopping to pick him up, I asked where he was going. "Seattle." I said, "Okay." and then drove to Seattle. I had to live in the back of my pickup truck for two more weeks while I started my job. I found a room to rent and then got involved with the GLBT movement and playing guitar at 'Victory' open mics every week. I soon found myself surrounded by friends which then led me to a one bedroom apartment in a building that was all pagan! I really feel that this would never have happened if I didn't do the cleansing rituals and putting out the energy into the universe, trusting that the Goddess will lead me to where I needed to be.
I hope my little story helps you in this dark time.
Blessed Be, icymist
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