Religion

central scrutinizer

(12,441 posts)

84. Sorry for your loss

Wed Jan 9, 2019, 08:41 PM

Jan 2019

I lost my wife of 30 years on 1 March 2017. Grief is uncontrollable but I've found, with time, the frequency of the waves is less. I'm sure the anniversary will knock me back again. Of course, there is always an anniversary coming up: the anniversary of the cancer diagnosis, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, birthdays of children, etc. I recommend reading John Pavlovitz on grief. Google his name plus grief to get links to his blog posts. He's a Christian and I'm an atheist but his words ring true with me.

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My 94-year-old parents had things to tell me this week. [View all] MineralMan Jan 2019 OP

Hi MineralMan - Your parents sound like wonderful people. Pendrench Jan 2019 #1

They are. Thanks! MineralMan Jan 2019 #8

I'm glad you all had these discussions. Girard442 Jan 2019 #2

Thanks. I'll get through it, I'm sure. MineralMan Jan 2019 #9

Personally, I would double check on the plots beforehand. Kittycow Jan 2019 #3

No need. I know exactly where the plots are: MineralMan Jan 2019 #7

Sounds like everything's under control then! Kittycow Jan 2019 #72

You are fortunate cpamomfromtexas Jan 2019 #4

I'm very sorry to hear that. MineralMan Jan 2019 #10

Whoa! Good luck, that's awful. mahina Jan 2019 #26

Following someone's wishes is always the right thing to do, even if The Velveteen Ocelot Jan 2019 #5

I agree. My father is a planner. MineralMan Jan 2019 #12

You are fortunate in that regard - my dad was a planner, too; The Velveteen Ocelot Jan 2019 #16

I'm putting together my 'last wishes' instructions Siwsan Jan 2019 #6

Yes. I want to be cremated and my ashes MineralMan Jan 2019 #13

We were all shocked when my mom decided on cremation for herself and dad Siwsan Jan 2019 #15

I was moved by your situation. No in a bad way mind you. GulfCoast66 Jan 2019 #61

Thank you very much for your reply. MineralMan Jan 2019 #62

Your parents sound great... N_E_1 for Tennis Jan 2019 #11

They are. Thanks. MineralMan Jan 2019 #14

They took care of us as babes... N_E_1 for Tennis Jan 2019 #17

Yes. We should never forget that. MineralMan Jan 2019 #20

Sounds like you now have Wellstone ruled Jan 2019 #18

It wasn't my favorite visit, I must say. MineralMan Jan 2019 #24

Oh boy how those words ring in my pea brain. Wellstone ruled Jan 2019 #28

Thanks. I'm heartened by all of the posts in reply to this thread. MineralMan Jan 2019 #30

On the flip side,we have Wellstone ruled Jan 2019 #36

Definitely interact with the caregivers catchnrelease Jan 2019 #52

Wishing you well Ohiogal Jan 2019 #19

Thank you very much! MineralMan Jan 2019 #21

Your parents sound a lot like me (only 30+ years older). lagomorph777 Jan 2019 #22

That's true for a lot of people. MineralMan Jan 2019 #27

However it is handled, whether Ilsa Jan 2019 #23

It will go as planned, I'm sure. MineralMan Jan 2019 #25

My favorite quote of all time: skydive forever Jan 2019 #29

Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss, too. MineralMan Jan 2019 #37

Sorry for your loss central scrutinizer Jan 2019 #84

This is almost exactly what my late mother had verified in writing, a decade before she died. maddiemom Jan 2019 #31

Over the last four years of their lives, I waatched both my parents die. They were in their 90s. Nitram Jan 2019 #32

Yes. Things that violate the dignity of the aged are common. MineralMan Jan 2019 #39

Yes, the hospice people are very understanding. But they do need clear guidance regarding the Nitram Jan 2019 #60

Both have DNR orders on file with their doctor. mitch96 Jan 2019 #74

Thanks MineralMan for sharing. Letting go; the head understands, but the heart has trouble doing so. alwaysinasnit Jan 2019 #33

my mom dawn5651 Jan 2019 #34

Beautiful! BarbD Jan 2019 #35

Thank you! MineralMan Jan 2019 #41

Clearly the apple didn't fall far from the tree as you littlemissmartypants Jan 2019 #38

Please be strong in your difficult times ahead. MineralMan Jan 2019 #40

You are very fortunate Brainstormy Jan 2019 #42

They have always been very rational people. MineralMan Jan 2019 #44

They are courageous and smart to think ahead FakeNoose Jan 2019 #43

They are, and I love them for that and many other traits. MineralMan Jan 2019 #45

Check, double check and re-check the laws regarding DeminPennswoods Jan 2019 #46

It's all taken care of, thanks. MineralMan Jan 2019 #48

You're a lucky son! Such great parents... who have lived long, full lives! deurbano Jan 2019 #47

Yes. Long, full lives. MineralMan Jan 2019 #50

My mother LittleGirl Jan 2019 #49

Regarding the DNR directions lunatica Jan 2019 #51

You're not supposed to call medics marybourg Jan 2019 #82

When we honor our parents, we honor everyone before them, too. Congrats on such a good end. ancianita Jan 2019 #53

I think you're right. Honoring our elders is MineralMan Jan 2019 #56

My mother was also not religious TexasBushwhacker Jan 2019 #54

Those are long lives hibbing Jan 2019 #55

Yes, very long lives. If they live until the middle of June, MineralMan Jan 2019 #58

Good for your parents. geardaddy Jan 2019 #57

They are pragmatic people, but not fatalistic. MineralMan Jan 2019 #59

thanks for sharing MM Kurt V. Jan 2019 #63

And thanks for your reply. MineralMan Jan 2019 #64

Be careful about that DNR order hurple Jan 2019 #65

Good on your parents for thinking ahead and being practical. Moebym Jan 2019 #66

I've had the same talk with my Mother... SergeStorms Jan 2019 #67

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks. MineralMan Jan 2019 #79

This message was self-deleted by its author geralmar Jan 2019 #68

Your parents sound like mine and myself too. BigmanPigman Jan 2019 #69

Read "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End" worstexever Jan 2019 #70

Your parents sound like swell people cp Jan 2019 #71

You are blessed SallyHemmings Jan 2019 #73

MM, my friend -- peace and blessings to you all Hekate Jan 2019 #75

I'm sorry you're having issues. MineralMan Jan 2019 #80

In some ways, this might seem bleak. WhiteHat Jan 2019 #76

My parents were good planners also. Their cremation was previously arranged and we kept mom's ashes dameatball Jan 2019 #77

You will never regret carrying out their wishes. TNNurse Jan 2019 #78

Thank you. Nurses are special people! MineralMan Jan 2019 #81

By the time I die I do not think there will be anyone Doreen Jan 2019 #83

Organized religion is unnecessary. What we believe is up to each individual. uppityperson Jan 2019 #85

I am glad you got to talk with them UpInArms Jan 2019 #86

Sounds like you guys have things well in hand. Ligyron Jan 2019 #87

I think so. Many people are far more open MineralMan Jan 2019 #90

Wow. How lucky they are to still have each other (and you of course). williesgirl Jan 2019 #88

K and R Stuart G Jan 2019 #89

My step mother recently passed. She was a devout Christian. WeekiWater Jan 2019 #91

That's an Excellent Point. MineralMan Jan 2019 #92

What I love about both of our parents. WeekiWater Jan 2019 #93