Relief at the diagnosis

[GliderGuider]

45. A month later...

The gynecological oncologist read her tea leaves (interpreted her CT scan) last Tuesday. He confirmed Stage 3 with metastases in the omentum and lymph nodes. He asked her again about treatment, as he had on our first visit. When she again refused, he was very respectful and passed us over to the palliative care folks with no pushback at all. He told us six months was a reasonable estimate, so she gets the summer.

She's had two sessions of paracentesis (abdominal fluid drainage) since I first wrote here a month ago. That's a huge relief because she builds up an enormous amount of fluid that puts serious pressure on her organs. Three weeks ago they drained 5 liters, and yesterday they drained over 7 liters - 17 pounds of fluid. It's like getting pregnant to full term every two weeks.

We had the first visit today with the home nurse and the palliative care coordinator. It was a long, intense and fruitful session, that left us both feeling relieved at the amount of assistance available. Our main concern at this point is to connect with a good pain management physician, and it looks like that's going to happen. There will also be counseling available for both of us, separately and together. That's a huge relief for me, because I'm beginning to understand just how alone a sole caregiver (especially one with no close real-life friends) can feel in this situation.

They also mentioned hospice, but she is adamant about dying at home, so live-in hospice won't be needed. I'm in complete agreement. There are day programs available for her, which is nice, but problematic because she is a night owl. I work days, she's an artist who normally keeps a 2:00 pm to 6:00 am schedule. That will change as time goes on, of course.

One of the reasons she wants to remain at home is because the privacy will give her more options at the end. Hypothetically speaking, of course... I am hypothetically in complete alignment with her hypothetical wishes, and I fully support whatever decision she makes. She has complete autonomy in all regards.

One of the issues I'll be facing is depression. Fortunately I started on Wellbutrin just after the American election (no coincidence) and it has turned my mood right around. So between that and the counseling I won't be left dangling over the black abyss without any support.

Here we go...