I will never be an elder-caregiver again.

[Trueblue Texan]

93. I've been waiting all evening to reply to this....

It's been a busy day and evening. Anyway... I work with the elderly in home health therapy and experience has taught me there is NO other job as hard as caregiving. Period. Caregiving is the most grindingly laborious, exhausting, thankless job there is, and comes with a triple helping of helplessness, depression, frustration, and anger. You should not feel one iota of guilt or shame about your anger, sadness, and depression. They are not only normal, they are human, even healthy under the circumstances, and in your case, that goes double because you are also grieving for your spouse. In addition to all of this, you are at your most vulnerable in so many ways. A note of concern for every widow: sadly and maddeningly you may likely be preyed upon by unscrupulous scoundrels who go looking for those in your situation. Vulnerable, sad, lonely, and angry, you present an ideal target for those who want to drain any assets left to you. I have seen this happen with too many of my widowed patients, so beware.

In the meantime, if your family finds this thread, maybe it will help them understand a little bit what you are feeling. They need to reach out to you and support you, appreciate all you sacrificed of yourself and the grief you are now experiencing. You will need support from family and friends; you will need their hugs, their help to deal with your mother-in-law's belongings, and any practical issues that need to be dealt with. Mostly you will need them to accept you as you are as you process all you have been through and finally come out on the other side. Rest as much as you can. Love yourself as much as you can and be kind to yourself.

You are an unsung hero, dear. Please know that there is someone who has a glimmer of understanding, but no one can truly understand the effort, the heroic sacrifice of caregiving until they have done it.

Bless you for all your hard work, for your sleepless nights and exhausting days. Take this time to rest and heal and grieve. You are not alone. Peace and healing to you.