Elder-caregivers

raising2moredems

(710 posts)

91. @Ilsa

Fri Nov 4, 2022, 10:30 PM

Nov 2022

I so understand the offing yourself post - that is my plan also. It truly sucks watching a loved one get eaten alive by dementia. On the "upside", it is a bit easier when the loved one passes as the the loved one you once knew had been gone for a number of years. Blissfully my Mom went fast - hell on my Dad who had taken care of her over the years. But she went faster than her mother and to be frank, in a much more peaceful way.
Please, please, give yourself some time re: the passing of your husband. All I can say re: your MIL is that your conscious is clear. I think it abhorrent that her children bailed on her. Bless you for doing the right thing.

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I will never be an elder-caregiver again. [View all] Ilsa Nov 2022 OP

It's very hard. we can do it Nov 2022 #1

I can't even grieve her because I'm too filled with Ilsa Nov 2022 #2

Hugs to you. we can do it Nov 2022 #5

TY. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #12

I am so sad for you. redwitch Nov 2022 #3

TY. Life requires courage. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #13

Sending you hugs. MLAA Nov 2022 #4

My MIL's dementia was so bad, she'd scream over being Ilsa Nov 2022 #8

Holy moly! Full time care giving is exhausting, then add the dementia. MLAA Nov 2022 #10

I have an adult son with a severe disability that I am taking care of. Ilsa Nov 2022 #11

Please try and do something nice for yourself soon, even if it is a little thing. MLAA Nov 2022 #19

I'm going to try and wash my hair tonight, get to Ilsa Nov 2022 #20

Sounds like a great plan! A few extra minutes in a hot shower should feel good! MLAA Nov 2022 #21

Good you need to do something for you. Hugs to you Ilsa. You are a better person then me. I couldn't debm55 Nov 2022 #26

The bazaar is a True Blue American Nov 2022 #38

My heart breaks for you questionseverything Nov 2022 #39

TY. Your empathy means a lot. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #14

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. Hugs for you dear lady. Srkdqltr Nov 2022 #6

TY. The virtual hugs help. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #15

What a tragedy, and a very stressful time. brer cat Nov 2022 #7

My heart aches sometimes. TY. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #16

love and light to you stage left Nov 2022 #36

Just sending you some hugs,,, KarenS Nov 2022 #9

TY for understanding. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #17

Be very kind to yourself Easterncedar Nov 2022 #18

TY. It feels better that so many people care. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #43

The title of your post says it all, Easterncedar. calimary Nov 2022 #83

I'm worried about my two pets. Ilsa Nov 2022 #90

Do you think they would take to a new wee one? calimary Nov 2022 #99

No, the male is jealous of other animals getting my attention. Ilsa Nov 2022 #120

Are you a member of a care-givers group in your area? erronis Nov 2022 #22

We used respite, but didn't get any the last Ilsa Nov 2022 #41

I've never had the time to get away. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #107

For you now, some rest. A lot of rest. Wild blueberry Nov 2022 #23

Thank you! nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #124

So very sorry on the loss of your husband. Fla Dem Nov 2022 #24

I miss him so much. TY. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #125

I'm sorry for your losses cate94 Nov 2022 #25

Thank you. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #126

Hang in there sister. You've had a rough road. As some above have suggested, panader0 Nov 2022 #27

I don't know how you did it. BigmanPigman Nov 2022 #28

I don't either. I didn't like her very much, but none Ilsa Nov 2022 #49

Your heart is so big! BigmanPigman Nov 2022 #59

It never seems to go like we hope. 1WorldHope Nov 2022 #29

I plan on offing myself it it looks like Ilsa Nov 2022 #47

We just don't know until we get there is my guess. 1WorldHope Nov 2022 #96

My heart goes out to you. Hope22 Nov 2022 #30

Thank you so much. I'm actually feeling better Ilsa Nov 2022 #122

Soak up the love. Hope22 Nov 2022 #142

I am so sorry. Jay25 Nov 2022 #31

Your kindness in replying makes me feel better for myself & the world. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #121

So sorry. Wishing you happiness. You deserve it. Joinfortmill Nov 2022 #32

Thank you so much. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #123

I don't blame you for feeling used and abandoned Warpy Nov 2022 #33

Hubby spent a year getting his mother VA services. The first check Ilsa Nov 2022 #48

Ilsa Hekate Nov 2022 #34

Back atcha! (Thanks) nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #127

I am so sorry, Ilsa. stage left Nov 2022 #35

Oh. mercy. Ilsa Nov 2022 #128

I miss him every day. stage left Nov 2022 #145

Your job is done, take care of yourself now. TNNurse Nov 2022 #37

Thank you. You know, the "your job is done" Ilsa Nov 2022 #129

Take care of yourself, get outside before the weather gets colder. TNNurse Nov 2022 #143

I'm so very sorry. Yorkie Mom Nov 2022 #40

The feelings of death around have been horrible. Ilsa Nov 2022 #130

Please give yourself love and credit for being there for your loved ones. Shoeless Louis Nov 2022 #42

Dayum, you're sweet! Ilsa Nov 2022 #51

Oh my goodness SallyHemmings Nov 2022 #44

Thank you for your kind words. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #131

I'm so sorry. UniqueUserName Nov 2022 #45

Thank you for the link. I might do some reading, even if I Ilsa Nov 2022 #132

So much sadness all coming together. Take care of yourself. I am so sorry. Scrivener7 Nov 2022 #46

Death hovered over my household for two weeks. Ilsa Nov 2022 #53

Bathing, when you are caring for the old and the dying, is often a luxury. Scrivener7 Nov 2022 #55

you're so kind and thoughtful. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #60

Keep us posted how you get along. Scrivener7 Nov 2022 #70

I don't blame you CountAllVotes Nov 2022 #50

No one else would/could take her. I wasn't Ilsa Nov 2022 #54

You did the best you could! CountAllVotes Nov 2022 #85

I am so sorry; how stressful these issues have been. I am sad for you. peacebuzzard Nov 2022 #52

That's awful, too much! Yeah, I have some PTSD from start to finish. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #58

and like you, no one helped me, peacebuzzard Nov 2022 #62

I am so sorry. murielm99 Nov 2022 #56

Thank you so much. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #133

My late wife was a quadriplegic during our 27-year marriage. I was her primary caregiver. Girard442 Nov 2022 #57

You're a mensch as well. Toda raba. Ilsa Nov 2022 #63

Ilsa louslobbs Nov 2022 #61

TY🙏 nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #64

You make me realize how lucky I was. planetc Nov 2022 #65

I'm so sorry. area51 Nov 2022 #66

My heart goes out to you, Ilsa. frogmarch Nov 2022 #67

I found my husband's body. Ilsa Nov 2022 #68

Please get professional help, Ilsa. frogmarch Nov 2022 #73

I am. I'm under the care of a psychiatrist, Ilsa Nov 2022 #74

I am glad to hear that. I'll be thinking of you frogmarch Nov 2022 #81

You made the world more kind and loving, something we should Ilsa Nov 2022 #72

its not like the movies dembotoz Nov 2022 #69

Those are good points. Ilsa Nov 2022 #71

when you run away do watch your spending. dembotoz Nov 2022 #77

You have every right to feel that way. It is exhausting and often thankless. But you did make others Evolve Dammit Nov 2022 #75

Thank you for your kind words. Ilsa Nov 2022 #134

I believe you have. Evolve Dammit Nov 2022 #140

Oh Ilsa. I'm so sorry for all the loss you have weathered. MontanaMama Nov 2022 #76

Hugs to you, too. Brutal is right. Thank you. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #135

Hugs to you, my friend. May you find peace and healing. So very sorry for niyad Nov 2022 #78

I'll never use my license again, or Ilsa Nov 2022 #136

Took care of my mother 24/7 for 6 months+ NoMoreRepugs Nov 2022 #79

Thank you. And "good on you" for helping your mom. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #137

Sharing my heart..... WVGal1963 Nov 2022 #80

Thank you so much. Your empathy Ilsa Nov 2022 #138

I'm 62 and lost my parents long ago. I've always been jealous of those that had their parents around brewens Nov 2022 #82

I hear you. Neither set of parents had much to leave Ilsa Nov 2022 #139

You are everything good about people. My heart is broken for you. Don't be hard on yourself. onecaliberal Nov 2022 #84

Thank you so much. I'm planning Ilsa Nov 2022 #141

Been there, done that - 2x Lithos Nov 2022 #86

TY. Amazing that you could do it twice. Ilsa Nov 2022 #87

LOL Lithos Nov 2022 #98

Reading thru this thread has given me a whole new outlook Deuxcents Nov 2022 #88

TY. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #89

@Ilsa raising2moredems Nov 2022 #91

TY for the kind words. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #92

I've been waiting all evening to reply to this.... Trueblue Texan Nov 2022 #93

thank you. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #104

You are not alone. Simeon Salus Nov 2022 #94

This message was self-deleted by its author Rocknation Nov 2022 #95

In the words of the venerable Bette Davis... pazzyanne Nov 2022 #97

Lisa, I am so sorry. You've had so much loss. AllyCat Nov 2022 #100

I'm so sorry. SleeplessinSoCal Nov 2022 #101

thank you. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #105

I'm so sorry for your loss LittleGirl Nov 2022 #102

I'm so sorry Ilsa Nov 2022 #106

I'm sorry! It's indeed VERY difficult! Buckeye_Democrat Nov 2022 #103

I don't believe in 'heaven' and 'hell', but there has GOT to be some special reward for caregivers 70sEraVet Nov 2022 #108

You are an amazing woman, llsa. sueh Nov 2022 #109

Thank you! nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #144

You were there for them Marthe48 Nov 2022 #110

I have cared for my own father, my mother, and my husband, the last 5 years of his life appleannie1 Nov 2022 #111

I took care of my MIL precisely for that reason. Ilsa Nov 2022 #113

I am soo sorry. appleannie1 Nov 2022 #148

Thank you for your king words. Ilsa Nov 2022 #149

There is nothing to be ashamed about. You wrote it beautifully. LiberalFighter Nov 2022 #112

My deepest sympathies. CrispyQ Nov 2022 #114

I echo these comments. cilla4progress Nov 2022 #115

Such kind comments and good wishes. Thank you. BTW, Ilsa Nov 2022 #119

Just want to join in with others' wishes: snot Nov 2022 #116

I missed this post yesterday, but saw your post about your grieving dogs... hlthe2b Nov 2022 #117

Thank you. Weather permitting, I intend to take them out tomorrow. nt Ilsa Nov 2022 #118

This message was self-deleted by its author Rocknation Nov 2022 #146

We didn't even ATTEMPT "do-it-yourself" home hospice care Rocknation Nov 2022 #147