depression has been pretty in check this last year of wading through a divorce after 32 years. but it is dragging on and on. he is refusing to cooperate, even tho he knows full well the judge is going to make him.
spring should be making me happy, but i need to be more functional than i have been over the cold months. it is still somewhat up in the air whether i will be able to keep my farm and my home. i will get them, the only question is what i will have to give up to do it. and whether i will have enough money to keep it going. it is not making any money yet.
and whether it is the dumbest thing ever to hang on to it all. i could take the money and retire somewhere were i could be drinking umbrella drinks and having monkeys fetching me mangoes.
yesterday is the 31st anniversary (nonoversary?) of the day we actually tied the knot. it is funny that that was never the one we celebrated. we celebrated the day we met. we were rarely parted after that day. we usually would remember a few days later that we had forgotten it again.
but this year it loomed over me for a week. i barely moved yesterday. i am really pushing myself today.
you are more than entitled to an occasional outburst. set your limits, even if it takes a couple more tirades. ya gotta do what you gotta do.
you are no good to them if you dont take care of yourself.
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