I feel better when I look deeply at the things which frustrate or upset me. My husband is quite ill with a variety of problems. I was feeling frustrated while he slept and I worked either at work or around the house. After sitting alone and quietly to think through the frustration, I realized that it was not that I minded the work or that he was unable to do it. I accomplished a lot and had plenty of time to get projects done. But what I did realize was that I was lonely. I was missing conversing with him.
Now I often sit at the edge of the bed to chat with him when he can't get up. He is more mentally alert and sleeps better at night because he is awake more during the day. Sometimes I have to keep up the talk when he is feeling tired, but even half an hour of chatting gave me a chance to get worries off my chest and become interested in what he was doing when awake (DU is one of the things which I joined so we could share discussions). And he makes an effort to be where I am while I work. He sits outside in a lawn chair while I weed or on a bench in the kitchen while I cook and we talk. Sometimes we are just in the same place at the same time, but it helps.
But if I hadn't looked at who I was to begin with, "examined the clay", I would not have known where my anger was springing from. It is just a small step toward bettering myself, but it was certainly a manageable one. If that is what I need to do to become more virtuous, then I'll keep trying. And if I can do it, anyone can, without fear. Do I seem to be on track with your description? or am I off base?
Thanks.
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