Suddenly single.....

[orleans]

4. i never felt the need or the rush

to clean out my mom's room, dressers, closet. i still live in this house and her room remains pretty much as she left it--i picked it up a bit, put some bills/papers away and made the bed.

her things are on her dresser, her clothes in her closet, her things in the dresser drawers. her shoes beside her bed.

sometimes i go in her room to surround myself with her--talk to her, cry for her. the bedroom door stays open and it's comforting to glance in there as i go down the hallway. at first it was heartbreaking--now it helps me feel like my life is back to normal, that everything is fine.

it's been over two years since she passed on but i feel, often, her spirit is still around this house and with me. sometimes i tell her to give me a sign that she's still here. i asked that last evening when i was putting the dishes away. i talked about how one of the lights in the kitchen used to go on and off during that first year. (she's given me countless "signs" from seeing her name on a license plate, to knocking on the wall with a signal we used to use, to the smell of her perfume and even turning off the tv when it up too loud--two times within ten minutes!) anyway, i got my sign last night--about two hours later when my daughter and i were reading through a play i wrote about spirits and signs based a lot on my mom. crash. the sound came from the kitchen. a pair of scissors that were on top of two boxes fell. no one had been in the kitchen for a couple hours and there was no way they could have fallen on their own.