At what age did you become an atheist/agnostic? And what brought that about?

[R. P. McMurphy]

37. Over a period of years.

When I was about 11 I was introduced to fossils, atomic dating methods and plate tectonics. This was when I started thinking about the incongruities between science and religion.

By my late teens it was clear that stories such as that of Noah were merely ways to explain to curious humans why there were marine fossils on the tops of mountains or what is a rainbow. I was firmly agnostic by this point.

In college I was exposed to the rigors of the scientific method. It was there that I learned that the story of the great flood actually predated history. A mythology class taught me many ridiculous beliefs that various cultures have held. This is when I first embraced athesim.

In ensuing years, when having theological discussions and being pressed to commit one way or another, I would respond with "on a good day I'm merely agnostic."

Over the years I've been fortunate enough to have witnessed scientist's growing understanding of the quantum universe. Paradigms that once seemed so sure now waver at the edge of what we may soon be able to observe. Could there be a Schrodinger's God?

Another influence on my thoughts have been the lovely psychedelics that have come my way. I have heard that if one takes them often enough you'll eventually see God. I haven't actually seen God but I have been intimently in their presence on several occasions. During those episodes,and continuing with me now, I want nothing more than to remain in the presence of the peace, love, joy, blinding light and the sense that beings I will know and love are all around me; just out of sight.

Now, in my 60's, I still can't believe in the Old Testament. I am pretty fond of Jesus' teachings but the hatred and ignorance of a substantial number who purport to be his followers keep me from claiming to be a Christian. I don't know enough about any other religion to know what my beliefs about them may really be.

So, rationally and in the absence of some convincing evidence, I remain an atheist. Psychedelic experiences may just be manifestations of my hope. I do know that that there is so much that my pitiful human mind can never comprehend. I do believe that the universe holds wonders that would astound us and may be, actually, god-like(?).

I'll paraphrase Mark Twain. When asked if he feared death he asked why he should. He said that he knew nothing in the eternity before he was born and that he wouldn't know anything after he died. Here's to hoping he's wrong and my psychedelic vision is more the model of what's to come.

If only I could believe.