This is why, to me, the concept of Karma sucks balls

[Heddi]

Hi everyone.

So you know how good people often talk about Kharmic retribution, how people get what they deserve, etc?

March 31 my mom dies. She's 60. Im the only child and have to make the decision to w/d life support. I'm called every name in the book by her boyfriend. My grandmother (her mom) decides this is the time she's going to disown me for some unknown reason related to her untreated mental illness, and doesn't even come to be with my mom as she's dying.

Two days later my husband and I move 1500 miles away (already plannned). We get settled in, buy a house (our first!) and 2 days after the closing, he gets diagnosed with cancer. He has to quit his just-started job because he can't be in training and go to surgery & treatment and followup visits. That was Memorial Day weekend.

The day after 4th of july, my house was broken into at 2am while we slept by a delusional, deranged, psychopath on every known drug who terrorized my husband and I and physically attacked us as we waited for the police to come. Three weeks later and we're still dealing with the bullshit of getting our lives back together, and are just starting to sleep more than 2 hours at a clip. THat day, 5 hours after the attack my husband was under the knife for his previously-planned surgery related to his cancer.

Because of the surgery and the drugs given to him, the dream job he just got hired for is on hold because his pre-employment drug screen came back positive. The lab is dragging their feet getting a final report, which is what needs to happen so that he can submit docs showing that he was given opioids, benzo's and other meds during surgery. He's supposed to start in 2 weeks.

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So Karma. What the fuck did we do? Because bad things happen for a reason, right? I'm supposed to learn a lesson, right? Or is it only some bad things, some bad people? If it's not universal, then how do you know it's a life lesson vs just shitty shit happening?

Fuck karma, and fuck those who believe in it. Because right now the only lesson I'm learning is the one that reminds me to breathe in and breathe out, and the one that keeps me chugging on in 15-minute increments. I used to plan 2, 3, 4 weeks out. I'm doing good if I can make it 10 minutes without a fucking panic attack.

Karma.

Maybe I should have asked for prayers and vibes from internet strangers.