Joel Osteen' s God finds diamonds for the rich, let's starving children die.

[Rozlee]

My son's second wife converted him to a Protestant, non-denominational church and turned him into a total holyroller. Before, he'd always been lukewarm to religion and now, he and his new family say 'Grace' before each meal, listen to Christian music, watch Sonlife and CBN and attend church twice a week and bible study every Tuesday. It's maddening when I fly to visit them, especially since they always proselytize to me.

This morning, they were listening raptly to Joel Osteen preaching on TV. He was telling a story about miracles and how God always answers prayers in ways that are truly wonderous. He has a parishioner and she and her husband were once vacationing on an island and went swimming in the ocean. She was wearing a very expensive diamond necklace that she valued very much. While she was swimming, it fell off or broke off and was lost in the ocean. I rolled my eyes. Really? You went swimming in the ocean wearing your diamond necklace, you dingbat? Hah! I'm glad-do you hear me?-glad that you lost your fucking diamond necklace because you had to swim in the ocean with it, you stupid cow!
The woman was at first devastated by its loss, Joel said. Not only was it expensive, it held great sentimental value. The next morning though, she rose and got up and walked to the beach. She wasn't even thinking of the necklace at that point, she was just overcome with her love of God and the beauty of his creation. She started praying joyfully, her love too great to be contained. As she ended her prayers, she noticed something sharp under her foot and looked down.

IT WAS THE DIAMOND NECKLACE!!!

It was a miracle that out of all the grains of sand in the beach that those diamonds would be there among them. Trillions or more grains of sand and the diamond necklace as well. This woman's faith and love for God had moved his heart and he'd returned her valued possession back to her, Joel rhapsodized.

Sure, Joel. He finds diamonds for the wealthy women in your congregation but can't be bothered to send manna from heaven to keep kids in Sub-Sahara Africa from starving. But, then, I guess those women with diamonds keep your $50,000,000+ bank balance and $10,000,000 mansion.

Damn, I hate these snake oil bastards and hate that they've gotten their hooks on my son.