Several years ago, as I realized my 2nd Saturn return was coming up (and for others reading this, I have the dubious joy of having Saturn at zero degrees of Scorpio....my sun sign and my 2nd house with Virgo as my ascendant. gulp.) and that my retirement savings was running down fast and I was again out of work, I was debating how to move forward. A brochure came from the state university, and I was looking through the training programs for some kind of vocational training. I wasn't going to let my Saturn return beat me into dire poverty and harsh choices again. I researched the mlt program, looking at federal statistics, talking to HR at the local hospital, the university's claim of 100% employment on graduation, etc. I signed up for two classes I needed to get into the program, to see if I could even do this after 40 years out of school, I took what I was led to believe was a simple, free math assessment test to see if I needed to brush up on Algebra II or could go straight into statistics.
I did my part. I worked my ass off, putting in literally 18 hour days the last 18 months or so, and graduated summa cum laude.
And it didn't matter. The local job market in health care is collapsing. I will be dumped most likely in July. Any question I had about that just got answered when I read the the microscopic print in the June schedule. Everybody except 3 of us is listed for training in the computer system upgrade. I'm going to let the other 2 know, in case they haven't figured it out.
I keep telling myself it will all work out, it will be ok. But I'm fucking tired. I ran myself into the ground to prepare, and fried myself to a crisp trying to prepare. I should be preparing for retirement at my age. I'm so goddam motherfucking tired.
Maybe the 2nd return isn't about getting into life. Maybe it's about finding a way to rest?
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