Most everything that is going on now is because of Neptune and Chiron

[get the red out]

48. Thank you, Rick, and you are exactly right!

Thank you so much for looking at my chart, Rick, you nailed it. I have no job satisfaction and just feel lucky to have my incredibly boring job because of healthcare and retirement. I feel totally stuck. My goal for years has been security because of my past; 20 years ago I was a hopelessly mentally ill alcoholic and my family was actively trying to shut me in the back bedroom of their house, out of sight of anyone as my grandfather had done with my aunt and uncle, just drugged out of my mind on anti-psychotics. When I was helped to get free I got sober, after 5 years I was fortunate enough to get a job at the university here with healthcare and retirement. I have an INTENSE fear of insecurity, I never trust anything to actually last and basically always keep in mind I might have run to another perceived safety net at any moment. The idea of giving up security “feels like” a kind of suicide, especially at 48.

I am looking at jobs posting here at the university, but times are really rough and I am lucky to still be hanging on here (I feel anyway). I also worry about getting in a situation where I would be intimidated or verbally abused in a job since I don’t do well with that and for some reason it seems like I've been a lightening rod for it since I was a little kid. All this keeps me stagnant since I like the people I work at my boring job with, LOL.

I will pray to the Universe for gentle guidance, (no more light running suv’s please), because it is so foreign to me to ever consider giving up any kind of security. I hope I don’t have to sacrifice that in order to gain fulfillment. I hope some gentle power will see fit to light my way. The worst part of the truck near miss was that my dog was with me. I doubt I would have made it through the last two years of turmoil in my life without her, that gentle soul is quite literally a gift from God, I can't stress that enough or give enough thanks for the bond my husband and I have with her. (To the world that's been hounding me all week for training her totally WRONG, BORDER COLLIES ARE NOT GOLDEN RETRIEVERS AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM). Had to get that out, sorry.

Thank you again. I love you all here.