Both my daughter and mother dreamed I died...

[OneGrassRoot]

17. I am most definitely going through a difficult transition...

Sold my home, the only asset I had, to my daughter so she and my grandson could have a stable place to live. "Sold" is relative; my partner got money from it but, in order for it to be affordable for my daughter, I didn't get much at all. So, I feel stuck here on many levels. I financially don't have other living options and I'm relied upon so much for childcare that my daughter desperately doesn't want me to leave.

On top of that, my job of 30 years ended fairly suddenly due to my employer's retirement. Trying to find something else that is flexible enough to work around childcare (my goodness, the sickness that runs rampant in preschools these days!), when I'm nearly 60, has been demoralizing thus far. My daughter is going to pay me enough for childcare so that I can keep my health insurance, with Obamacare subsidies, but that is a stressor for her and adds to me feeling pathetic.

I'm not in a good place and everyone knows it. Not suicidal, just very unhappy with less hope than I've ever had in my life about positive changes in my future that provide me with some semblance of freedom, peace and contentment. I adore my grandson but he is a HANDFUL and exhausting and still in preschool. They've been here since she was pregnant so I haven't had any space or solitude, both of which I have always desperately needed (introvert here).

Obviously it could be worse. I could be unhoused altogether or all of us could be struggling with that reality or any number of other crises that we, thankfully, don't have to contend with now.

Still, I'm very unhappy about the world at large, especially having worked so hard my entire life to make positive changes (something many of us here share), and with my personal situation.

So, given death dreams often signifying rebirth (though it's that when we dream of our own death? lol), I'll take any signs of transformation on the horizon. Knowing how unhappy I am, even though it isn't new, must play in with them both dreaming of my death. They have both depended on me so much for their entire lives (my mom had me as a teen and said I raised her), and the fear that I may lose my ability (physically, mentally or emotionally) to keep helping them must weigh on them a lot in a selfish way.



ETA: The synchronicity is still interesting though, as there wasn't anything that happened in the last week which would have led to both dreams. Perhaps the collective, as you said.