So I go to my cardiologist. I am 79. Small aneurism that is monitored and not getting bigger.

[3Hotdogs]

She proposes a stress test with radioactive contrast. I refuse.I don't know if I will accept any invasive treatment Pacemaker or surgery.. I am treated with drugs which keep me going with some quality of life.

So why refuse the test? I figure I have four ways to go.... and "go," we all will. Accident is the least likely but probably the best. Heart attack is also likely and also quickest. I would like to go like Rockefeller - he didn't know if he was coming or going.


Then there's the prospect of years in LA-La land like my mother when she couldn't recall her own name. Or cancer, like Joyce, when she couldn't wait for it to be over.

I am half interested in giving the least support to preventing a heart attack.

My life now isn't bad but there is little joy in it. I haven't had sex in over 10 years, I am old, and fat and broke and there is no chance that any woman is going to find me hot.

I post this kind of stuff here as a way to organize my thoughts, see if there is anything I missed and kind of as a diary.

No, I am not suicidal.