have a kleenex ready
http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/info-2016/mystery-writer-louise-penny-personal-essay.html
I love Louise Penny books. And in one of them she said how she realized she modeled the kind, gentle competent police investigator after her husband,
So, yes, my heart broke when I read her testimony.
The most important part is this:
We sold our lovely home because he was having trouble walking, and stairs were not only difficult, they were a danger. I say "we," but the decision was mine.
I didn't ask him, didn't consult him, for fear he'd say no.
It was one of the things I'd promised Michael — that we would stay there. And I tried. But we just couldn't.
So we moved into a condo. All on one level. Underground parking. Elevator. It was, astonishingly, sheer bliss.
Suddenly everything that had been a struggle was easier.
And all the loneliness that came from isolation in that glorious rambling house in the countryside went away. We were in a village. With neighbors. With friends who'd drop by. With caregivers right there.
And I learned that, far from having my day, my happiness, decided by how Michael was doing, I needed to make it about how I was doing. How well I was accepting, adjusting and looking ahead. Seeing issues before they arose.
====
Both of us are OK. So far, keeping fingers crossed. But I am thinking that, perhaps, we need to make these changes when we still can.
Do ask for help. We are so used to be self sufficient but we need to know when to ask for help.
I hope you can find the courage and the ability to make changes as needed. For his sake, for your sanity.
And let us here know.
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