There is no hope for a broke, disabled performer in this crumbling society.

[electric_blue68]

12. Having just read this maybe you'll find some solace in my thoughts; should you go down this path of thought again.

"What did it even amount to? Well... nothing"
And you mentioned feeling ?a waste of your life.

Before anything- I'm sorry that particular 988 person didn't realize that joking is one way a very distressed person can manifest.

It seems (i could be wrong) that you'd hoped to be ? more recognized, have gotten better (non-band related) jobs that kept going foward into better things? And/or keep a particular band together.

Yet you received a lot postive comments, feedback, gokd reviews in various creative pursuits.etc. Part of your now is wondering if they all lied to you.
I doubt it. Why? The percentages of positivity seem too high, imho.

As a music lover I'm really sorry the bands you started, or joined fell apart.
Painful!

I guess the one thing I can say - since you brought people in various way music, creative performances, good writing etc; that meant something to people; whether it was joy, delight, laughter (powerful things that most people need), perhaps introspection, etc. That is worth something! You've brought this to people for a long time in your various careers. You never know the joys in life that add up can strengthen a person balancing more difficult times!
Not a waste- that's the depression talking.

I must say this. Your husband imho would be distraught if you left him that way, vs by the scary medical problem.

Terrible to be in financial medical straights. I hope something, somehow can come through for you!