Why all this "G**" S*** in recovery?

[NMDemDist2]

3. there is a saying around the rooms

"I can't, we (he) can, I think I'll let us (him)"


This saying was very helpful to me in early recovery. It's comes right down to what your wonderful essay points out, I had to admit my thinking and struggling had failed me and that I needed something else outside myself to help me.

Did that realization bring me immediately and gracefully into submission? Not by a long shot, but it did give me that tiny bit of willingness to try the actions 'that made no sense' in a desperate hope that SOMETHING would help me not give into that insane thought that the next drink would be different somehow.

I think on those first halting steps on the road to recovery, it don't matter how we 'feel' about the actions, only that we are willing to DO the actions. Whatever goads us to even attempt to instill into our ACTIONS (not our thoughts or feelings) the principles that allow us to live without the guilt and shame most of us carry deep with in us is enough to set us on the path.

Sadly, so often we hold on to the sickest of those memories in the mistaken belief that taking responsibility for those deep, dark secrets will break us. As Bill explains in the 12x12

In many instances we shall find that though the harm done others has not been great, the emotional harm we have done our­selves has. Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. At the time of these occurrences, they may actually have given our emotions violent twists which have since dis­colored our personalities and altered our lives for the worse.

It takes courage to look those monsters of our past in the eye, but there is a freedom that's indescribable once it's done. Anything that will give us the willingness and courage to do so is a 'Higher Power' IMHO. Whether it comes from a trusted friend in the Program, a group who shows the way, a "Daddy Deity" or just that overwhelming feeling of fear and failure that makes us desperate enough to attempt 'the work' because we have lost the will to fight anymore is a blessing in disguise.

As one of my beloved babies likes to say "I wish you desperation" since often desperation is the impetus to move us to change.