I'm hoping this forum will help...because I could really use some.

[fujiyama]

OK as someone who isn't religious, the whole AA thing and its heavy insistence on accepting God was/is a huge turn off. I've been to a few meetings before and the whole religious aspect just didn't work for me. I've had my issues with booze for a while now (several years). I can at times drink lightly and even moderately... and I can go weeks at a time without any booze. But then sometimes I'll be hanging out with friends (at a party or a bar), and two or three drinks turns into some un-Godly amount, I won't remember, because I'll end up blacking out. This of course leads to saying and doing incredibly stupid and awful things which I will have absolutely no recollection of the next afternoon when I somehow end up waking up. The rest of the day is of course gone because I will be hurting so much.

I'm well aware I'm destroying myself.

I have other physical and anxiety issues which are in large part the cause of my drinking. Some of these problems simply cannot simply fix in any way. And what I feel is this cycle of depression and excess consumption. Depression leads to drinking too much, leading to doing bad things, leading in turn to depression. It's perpetual. I admit I may really just need to get some professional help...something I've been avoiding for a while now.

I suppose I can also try finding friends that don't binge drink. That would probably be good, but in all honesty, I like my friends and I think they'd support me if I made an effort to stop. But as many of us know, it's tough hanging out in a crowd where everyone is enjoying a drink and well...you're not.

I've been looking to address the problem for a while now, but I haven't felt this strongly about quitting before...I realize if I keep going the way I do, I'll end up dead or in jail.