24 Lies People Like To Tell Women

[LadyHawkAZ]

11. The short answer to your first complaint is: Because #5

Last edited Thu Mar 28, 2013, 08:17 PM - Edit history (1)

5. There is a direct correlation between the kind of clothes you wear and the amount of respect you deserve.

No one is requiring you to dress in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. However, there is already a social norm surrounding the idea of women dressing "modestly", and it dates back many, many centuries- and is rooted in property values. No one but your lord and master is supposed to see your body, so cover it up. There is a social norm in existence for more revealing clothing, but it's the one that labels you a no-value slut. The idea of wearing the more revealing clothing is to normalize it until it no longer carries that negative, so that no woman becomes a lesser creature for being a publicly sexual being. The mixed message comes from the idea of "if men like it, it must be bad", which is silly- the kind of men who are looking for control over women's sexuality are going to be happy with either option, so long as they get the control they want, but if you look around the world you'll find that the more patriarchal the society, the more modest the dress.

The message of "feel beautiful in whatever you wear" has been around in feminist circles for a long while, but it keeps getting buried under the opposing message of "...as long as you don't show too much cleavage and your skirt isn't too short and your heels aren't too high and not so much makeup, you look slutty". Wear what you want to wear, and let others do likewise, is my motto. This message has been brought to you by a woman who owns six pairs of jeans, two dozen t-shirts, one pair of sneakers, two pairs of boots and exactly one dress.

I get what you're saying about the video, but speaking on a personal level, I'd rather not see the messages about the dangers of excessive drinking and rape get mixed. I think teaching moderation in alcohol use instead of treating drinking as a wonderful, very grown-up thing to do is a way-overdue message and would probably be more effective than the abstinence/binge mess that we have now, but throw in "Women, don't go out and get so hammered that you pass out on the floor" and it leaves way too much fertile ground for victim blaming. Especially when too many people still think that way. On its face, the message that most people will take away from the video is that men shouldn't rape unconscious women, that other men really don't think it's OK, and that's a good thing. Let alcohol and its many hazards be a separate movement.

You don't define yourself by your sexuality? I do. Bisexuality, multiple partners, sex work, birth control, abortion, parenthood, marriage, divorce, rape- all issues that are not only make up who I am, but are front and center in the current culture wars. Possibly the reason you see sexuality as defining modern feminism is because it makes up so much of the current attacks on women. There's also a whole spectrum in between where you're at and where I'm at. You call this "the right to be a slut". I call it "everyone's sexual choices on an equal footing", and yes, I do feel that this is one of the things feminism should be fighting for. Equality to me really means equality, not just with our male counterparts but also among ourselves. So that my daughter who loves high heels and skimpy dresses doesn't get judged by either gender against a social norm of granny panties and Birkenstocks, or pantsuits, or burqas- and so that my daughter who prefers sweatpants doesn't, either.

I'm pretty content with fighting for your right to be a farmer, or a brain surgeon, or a scientist, or anything else you want to be. I'm pretty content with fighting for everyone else's right to choose their path, too. I personally find marriage to be the ultimate in patriarchal structure, but I don't mind when other women choose it. My question to you would be: why would you only be willing to fight for the rights of education and careers, but not the very basic right of sexuality? It does women no good IMO to tell them they own their minds but not their bodies.