Looking for reading material

[zazen]

1. wiki stuff on complex ptsd, betrayal trauma

and Patrick Cairn's work on sex addiction. Those are all non-feminist (but feminist aligned) approaches to understanding how we internalize someone else's abuse and/or addiction and then try to cope with it by becoming a mirror, object, tool, manager, etc., for someone else.

http://pornaddictioninfo.com/boards/viewthread.php?tid=7022
http://www.miwatch.org/2007/11/complex_ptsd.html
http://www.pete-walker.com/lovinglyResolvingConflict.htm

I've been a radical anti-pornography feminist for years, but frankly, the material I read about that (MacKinnon, Dworkin, Stoltenberg, etc.) doesn't really address coping. It helps fuel anger, and at a certain stage that can be constructive, but the other sources of help I mention above get at the problem in a way that increases the patient's locus of control by acknowledging the abuse but focusing on what she can change personally. The feminist stuff I know about focuses on what one changes politically, and that's a latter step, IMO. Good luck!