Men Don't Recognize 'Benevolent' Sexism: Study

[iverglas]

29. "because of the man's value system"

And that's just what I was saying too about the whole chivalry thing in general -- if a man has been reared to believe it's "polite" to hold doors blah blah and doesn't do it, then it may truly be an indication that he's a rude jerk.

Myself, I don't hang out with people who haven't examined these things for themselves, and come to the same conclusions as me, so the issues just don't arise. And of course since I've been living with somebody for 12 years ... and I am the sole earner in the household ... they especially don't arise for me.

But I can't see a feminist wondering what signal she was getting if the man did not assume he was paying / offer to pay -- because what feminist would be on a date with a man who did??

If somebody says gender equality is okay but still acts according to these attitudes, well what would a feminist want with him anyhow?

And for "cheap dates", well, I guess the thing is that if the woman wasn't expecting the man to pay every time, it would be a little easier to tell what it meant. But gosh, this whole idea of somebody has to spend their money on one to prove they want to spend time in one's company ... it really is just ick to me.

Even back when I was of the "dating" age, just pre-1970 and after, I didn't actually "date" so it's all foreign to me anyhow. At university, there were gangs of us who lived and hung out together, and we were all flat broke, and people I knew just didn't "date" anyhow, we went to concerts and rock festivals and bars and meetings and demonstrations and each other's houses, and slept with each other when we felt like it. In my slightly more mature adulthood, I had various serial relationships that involved meeting somehow and making a connection that became a relationship, which involved things like going out occasionally to eat or see a movie or some performance, spending time at each other's places, sleeping together, and whatnot for a period of a few weeks to a couple of years, then having it end. (I tended to get dumped because, unbeknownst to me in my 30s, I had been on an extended interview for the job of wife and mother for which I hadn't applied, and had failed probation. So yeah, I didn't have the art of selecting down quite pat for a while!) And at some point starting a new similar scenario. My feeling has always been that if I don't want to do all those things with somebody, why the hell would I want a "date" with him? I actually don't ever recall being asked out on a "date", i.e. by somebody I wasn't well acquainted with or at least didn't already know enough about for there to be mutual interest. Comes from being intimidating, I guess. Self-selecting: only the ones I'm likely to be interested in are interested. I've always found it worked for me!

So I'm kind of like an alien when it comes to this stuff. I've just never got it at all.