The Last Thing Mom Asked

[left-of-center2012]

Right now my mother is in bed across the hall, in the endgame of Stage 4 lung cancer. She is nearly 83, she has had enough, and she is ready to die. More specifically, she is ready to have me help her die.

I can see her point.

An unsentimental, practical person, she has for many years been preparing for the moment when death would become more alluring than life. We have talked about it nonstop since she received her diagnosis about three months ago and, like Gloria Swanson going up in a blaze of grand pronouncements, declared that she intended to forgo chemotherapy.

“I would rather die than lose my hair,” she said airily to the startled oncologist, before terrorizing the hospital physiotherapist by snapping: “I could be dead in three months. Do you really think it’s going to make a difference if I get out of bed and walk around for five minutes now?”

So she went home to die. She was her regular funny, astringent self.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/31/sunday-review/mother-death-euthanasia.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

[tonyt53]

1. Most people do not die on their own terms. At least she is.

[SWBTATTReg]

3. More power to you and your Mom...

Your mom's desires and so forth, I think, have the most importance and relevance here. No court, no other living family members (except those she wanted involved), etc. should have the right to interfere.

End of life decisions should be made by those who are mentally able to make these decisions and respected by all. All should be documented too, for peace of mind should any decisions be questioned.

I have the same thinking that my dad had, when it was time for him to go. He said that he had a wonderful life and was ready to go. I feel the same way.

[radical noodle]

2. She sounds like a grand lady

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[rurallib]

4. We just went through the death of my MIL who was close to 90

no specific illness - just the body wearing out.
At times near the end she seemed to be in some labored dreams, maybe drug induced, seemingly begging for the end.

Mrs. Lib and I talked about it. When we had pets at this stage we did what most think was the humanitarian thing and had them euthanized. When were detached from the scene that felt like it would be a good way for her mother's suffering to end.

Much like the mother in this story, my MIL hung on for a couple of really bad days when it sounded like every labored breath were her last. She had a morphine drip going, so who knows what if any thoughts and fears were crossing her once very sharp mind.

We talked a bit about our endings that will be coming all too soon I fear, but resolved nothing. Most likely we will go with the standard American course.

This is simply a subject few Americans discuss with anyone.

And once the life ends there is all the mess of dealing with funerals and visitation and estates.

Thanks for letting me let off a little steam in your group

[Wellstone ruled]

5. Fully Understand.

Been down that road with two Sister in laws both suffering from and succumbing to Lung Cancer and Brain Tumors.


Still remember when the Hair loss happened,and after the Chemo ended and the Cancer went into remission . Both Girls did the Wig thing for awhile,once the Hair started to fill in,both stated,if this happens again,forget about it,not going to happen. I want my hair.

Best of wishes to your family.

[Delmette2.0]

6. OMG this is what my sister and I are going through right now.

Mom is 92, in Hospice care and seems to hope that every time she goes to sleep it will be the last. Mom doesn't want us around when she dies, but my sister can't least her all alone. I can't do the death watch.
Mom has heart failure, macular degeneration, severe osteoporosis and a large hiatal hernia. She can't see, her back hurts all the time, she can't eat very much at one time and her lungs are being compressed from the hiatal hernia Everything in her body is giving up except for her heart.
Our hearts are breaking every day because she has had a rough life from day one. Why can't this be easier for her?