We admitted Mom to a long-term care facility Friday

[MissMillie]

My Dad, who will be 88 on Thursday, conceded that he can't take care of her any more.

Ever since she broke her ankle, she has become increasingly difficult and sometimes even violent. She fights us all over wearing the boot that the doc says she must wear, and is constantly trying to get up--on her own--without wearing it. If she were to fall again, it's anyone's guess as to how she could injure herself.

My oldest sister had been staying with them around the clock, but she can't do that indefinitely.

The nursing home has a dementia ward, and has a reputation for providing good care. It is about 7 or 8 miles away, and since Dad still drives he can visit as often as he likes.

All of us feel as though this is the most difficult thing we've ever had to do. Even though it's been done, there is still a very high stress level for us as we grapple with Mom's confusion over why she cannot come home.

Of course, I will visit her regularly, and I still intend to cook for my Dad a few times every week. I think that even though he doesn't have to be her primary care-giver, he still needs us all very much.

[blue cat]

1. I'm so sorry for your family.

I’m the caregiver of my 85 yo dad for the last 5 years.
All you can do is try your best and don’t forget to take care of yourself so that you can be there for them.

[Botany]

2. I wish you and your family well

Gotta be tough.

[BillyBobBrilliant]

3. It is a difficult thing

to face. To no longer be able to properly provide for those that have been the providers for so much of our lives.
My mother was committed to an assisted care facility in 2004. My father passed later that year. Mom stayed there until she passed in 2012 (84yo). My sister lived in the same county, and eventually was committed to the same facility for obesity/mobility issues. As long as she lived, she was able to make decisions for my mother's care. When she died, I packed up and moved the 200 miles to live on the meager family estate, to assure my mother got proper care. It was not easy in may ways. The facility was pretty good. My mother stopped recognizing me fairly early into her disease. I feel like here residency there was the best quality of life she could have, however sad the situation was.

[MaryMagdaline]

4. So sorry for your difficult choice

Wishing your family strength.

[Faux pas]

5. Sending

the best vibes to your family. It's not an easy thing to do. Took care of my mom with Alzheimer's for 10 1/2 years and still hated having to put her in Memory Care.

[SWBTATTReg]

6. I am so sorry to hear this. Hang in there, and I wish you the best and of course, I wish the ...

best for your Dad. Perhaps there's some sort of help available for those undergoing these types of events in your area. A self help group with others in the same boat that you all are in, that can at least provide a sounding board for you all?

Again, I wish you courage, energy, and blessings ...

[Bayard]

7. Such a hard decision

I feel for you.

We had to put both my Dad (stroke and cancer) and my Mom (Alzheimer's) in assisted living in their 80's. They were heartbroken and angry to leave their home of 50 years. My Dad died a few months after the move. My Mom lasted about 4 more years, after developing a host of other problems.

I lived in CA at the time, so the hard work fell on my brother.

Worrying about my mother-in-law now. She's been incapacitated after a fall earlier in the year. We can't get any good answers from the two siblings that live there, and we're several states away. I'd be camped on the doctor's doorstep.

You sound like a loving daughter MissMillie. You and your Dad can lean on each other.

[Kali]

8. it is a horrible feeling to have to face,

but be grateful you have the facility available to be able to get her the care and help she needs. sorry you are going through this.

[cyclonefence]

9. Thank god for facilities like this

and thank god you can afford, financially and emotionally, to find your mother a home there. The attendants will not do everything the way you want them done, but they will be done. Your mother may even thrive in the company of more people her age. She would not want her children or her husband to sacrifice their lives for keeping her safe; that is what facilities like this exist for.

Your mother is not going to get better. It's good to have her placed now, so that as she inevitably declines, she will be familiar with the people who are taking care of her.

Visit as often as you can, if only to assure yourself that you've made the right decision. She may be unhappy now, but it won't be long before you will realize that you and your family could not possibly have cared for her on your own. She is already become tough to handle physically and has been violent--people who work in care facilities know how to keep her (and themselves) safe.

I know it's tough, but be assured you have done the right thing, for her and for you.

[pnwest]

10. One of the worst feelings in the world,

...walking away as you leave mom or dad in the dementia ward. I am at this moment in the airport waiting to go see my own mom. I feel for you and your family, it is heartbreaking. Take comfort knowing she is in the safest place she can be, cared for and looked after. And after several weeks, she should be settled and calm. My mother, in her lucid moments, tells me she knows why she’s where she is and it’s ok. She said herself she feels very safe. Your mom will get there, too - as hard as it is to imagine right now.

[in2herbs]

11. Did she act like this before she broke her ankle? If not, the one thing I would make sure

of is that she's well hydrated. there are studies of dehydration causing dementia in nursing home patients. They thought my dad was dementia but when he came to live with me I made sure he was staying well hydrated and it worked. His mental acuity improved dramatically.

[MissMillie]

12. My mom was diagnosed w/ Alzheimer's a few years ago

She has had dementia for quite some time now.

[DeminPennswoods]

13. The toughest thing is to admit

to yourself that you just cannot care for your parent, or any loved one, at home any longer.

[samnsara]

14. thats a tough decision to make..:(