My mom said the worst thing she's ever said to me.

[LudwigPastorius]

I moved in to take care of her 7 years ago, but the last three have been the hardest. I had to give up my work, which was more than work to me, to be available for her 24/7.

Anyway, she was angry about me expressing that I was beyond burnt out and unhappy, so she said, “Maybe I just should have aborted you!”.

I don’t know if I can continue to do this if it’s going to entail being on the receiving end of verbal abuse like that.

[NoRethugFriends]

5. Pretty damn judgmental

And irrelevant

[SheltieLover]

2. Maybe her dx has something to do with the verbal abuse?

It's up to you whether you can just shake it off. Maybe talk to her about how hurtful that was?

[LudwigPastorius]

11. Good idea about the meds.

She’s got a doctor appointment in a couple of weeks. I’ll ask him.

[SheltieLover]

18. In the meantime, we are here for you

[LudwigPastorius]

20. Thanks so much, SheltieLover.

[SheltieLover]

23. YW!

[WheelWalker]

3. It's not about you. Remember that.

I did what you are doing for the same length of time. I know exactly what you're experiencing. Laughing off the abuse was helpful in my instance. Reply, "Well you didn't. So here we are. Now let's cowboy up and bring this herd to market."

[LudwigPastorius]

6. I didn't take the bait.

[MotownPgh]

9. Coming up on 7 years for me

Won't say it doesn't hurt sometimes, but I just leave the room for a few and dad gets the message. I think everyone becomes more self centered as they age.

[LudwigPastorius]

12. Yeah, I didn't engage with her after that.

It just seemed pointless.

[NoRethugFriends]

4. If she has dementia, then you need to deal with it, or she needs to be in a facility.

If she doesn't, she's on her own to find help.

[LudwigPastorius]

13. No cognitive impairment, she's just spiteful at times.

[Trueblue Texan]

7. I'm sorry. I know that hurt you.nt

[LudwigPastorius]

14. Thanks.

I tried to not let it get to me.

[XanaDUer2]

8. I'm so sorry

What a hurtful thing to hear.

[LudwigPastorius]

15. Thanks XanaDUer2

[applegrove]

10. Maybe she is depressed and would do better with some meds to make her happier.

Some of my family were on such meds for the last years of their lives. My grandmother, who had worked so hard until she was 80, was on them in her last few years. She died at 103 and the calming meds she was on made her much easier to take care of. She was blind and deaf and had all her other faculties so for someone whose life had been so vital it was torture for her and she lashed out in frustration. So sorry for you.

[LudwigPastorius]

16. I know she's having a hard time, but I doubt she...

would take any antidepressant.

She used to be an RN, so she “knows better” than her doctors what she needs. It’s like pulling teeth just to get her to take the blood pressure, gout, and other meds she is on now.

[applegrove]

17. That is so hard.

[Clouds Passing]

19. I'm sorry you had to experience that LP

I had a mother like that.

[LudwigPastorius]

21. Thanks

It helps to know that I’m not alone.

[Clouds Passing]

22. That was a very crappy thing for her to say to you, very crappy!

You did not deserve that

[Fresh_Start]

24. So sorry you are on the,receiving end

Of her anger and mental deterioration. Moms always know how to hurt their children but when they are in their right mind they don't do it.

[LudwigPastorius]

25. Yeah, nobody knows which buttons to push like family.

[Laurelin]

26. I'm sorry you're going through this

It was an awful thing to say. Sometimes old people just...I don't know, completely lose it. Even if they don't have dementia, there are things that happen when their bodies aren't working right, TIAs, crazy blood sugar drops, just.... issues. Obviously I'm not a medical person but I've had to deal with a number of older people and sometimes they just say crazy things one minute and seem fine the next. If you can, try to remember that it's not about you and it's not your fault, and then try to forget it.

Take care of yourself.

[LudwigPastorius]

27. Thanks.

[1monster]

28. Ask her if she would prefer a nursing home...

I mean if she finds you so objectional.

But even the good ones are god awful. If there was one silver lining about my husband dying so unexpectedly, it was that I would not have to put him in a nursing home when his condition inevitably got to the point that it was necessary.

I understand about the burnout. Call your local council on aging and see if they have a respite service or a day care so you can have a (regular) day for yourself go recharge, reconnect with friends, and enjoy whatever brings you wholeness.

Your good mental health and well being are important. (Plus, it may even have the side benefit of making her appreciate you, even if just a little bit. She might even enjoy being around different people.

[Mike Nelson]

29. You are not alone...

... a friend of mine works in caregiving and hospice. This is common. She hurt you. She hurts. It hurts to get old and need help. Family hurts the worst - they know where to hit.

[Hope22]

30. It sounds like she needs a visit to respite care.

You need time to refuel and recover. I hope you have someone who can orchestrate that for you. That burn out feeling is real and strikes deep. My sister used to say awful things to me and when I was rested they didn’t bother me half as much as when I was exhausted. The worst time was in the winter and it turned out my vitamin D was lower than low. Be easy with yourself and take care. Love and hugs to you!💗💗💐

[1WorldHope]

31. Ouch😣

My step mother hated me her whole life until my dad died. Then she made me a saint and her actual real daughter, who was doing all the work, a piece of crap.
If she won't take any anti depressants, you could give her a little gummy and then tell her happy Valentine's Day. Just kidding, kind of. Hang in there and ask her if she is ready for a care facility since she has such a problem with you.