In my humble opinion...I'm going to say something very radical...

[Chalco]

I truly believe that it does not help victims to remain anonymous. There is nothing to be ashamed of in being the victim of a sexual assault. As a victim, I did nothing wrong. The psychopath that raped me did something wrong. I am not ashamed. I am not less of a person. I am not less attractive. I am not less viable. I am not less wonderful. I have no shame. I can look everyone in the eye. I did nothing wrong but live my life. We all need to stand tall together.

[angstlessk]

1. Yes, but there is nuance to being in the wrong when raped...there is the clothing..the drinking

the being out at night...or trusting someone will not rape you..there are many factors that can blame a woman/man for being raped.

In the wrong place at the wrong time...as if time and place has something to do with a predator raping a woman/man

[LadyHawkAZ]

2. I think it helps some of them

Coping skills vary from person to person. Some people really don't feel emotionally able to cope with publicizing their story.

I do think that those who have felt able to come forward publicly have helped change the landscape a lot with regards to how victims are viewed, and have helped remove a lot of the stigma.

I'm with you: it wasn't my choice, it wasn't my fault and I have no guilt or shame about it.

[Ms. Toad]

3. I have been open about having been raped since within an hour of it happening.

I agree that part of getting to the point where rape and sexual assault are no longer perceived as shameful, everyone needs to be aware that they actually do know people who are survivors of rape or sexual assault.

But no survivor should be forced to bear the brunt of changing that perception, which is what outing a survivor (by publishing his or her name) does.

So I am live what I believe is the ideal, and encourage others to do so - but I will also strongly defend the right of any survivor who chooses not to disclose her identity.

[Ilsa]

4. Some of us do better not telling everyone.

The victim may have family members who will be overprotective, or remind them of it, not understanding the healing that has to occur.
I didn't want to talk to certain people about my rape, so it was important that they not know.
And mine was a home invasion rape. But I'm sure someone would have found a way to blame me for having the nerve to live alone or something.

[In_The_Wind]

5. Thank you for your thread of power. It isn't easy for me to speak of my abuse.

No. I did nothing wrong.
But from the age of nine I was the one to blame for an act that I was unable to stop.

[Helen Reddy]

6. {{{{In_The_Wind}}}}

Absolutely! You did NOTHING wrong.

[In_The_Wind]

7. I tell myself that every morning while I watch the sunrise.

In my mind I've always known that.
It's the damage to my self esteem that needs repair regularly by me.
I was 50 before I stopped hating my mother. Mother's Day hurts me again every year.
I've been through too much with too little support.
I cannot let that happen to anyone else.
To condone the behavior of rape culture and slut shaming is to support it.
This must stop! Now!

[talkingmime]

8. Hey...

You are so correct.

[pnwmom]

9. But not every victim is as strong as you are.

No victim did anything wrong. But that doesn't mean they're comfortable having everything about what happened to them exposed to the public -- or to anyone. For some women, just opening up to a therapist is a huge step. Telling a loved one is another huge step, and might be as far as they can go.

So some women need the protection of anonymity. I'm glad they can have it, and can choose not to prosecute. Otherwise, forcing them to come forward would be another kind of assault.

I'm very happy for you. But we've had an assault victim in our home for more than two years and she's still not ready to come forward, despite therapy. And she may never be. Years of abuse at the hands of someone you trusted isn't something easy to get over.

[olddots]

10. in silence we can loose our perspective

I felt less alone the first time I heard someone else talk about what they went through , it helped me separate the past from the present .