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retrowire

(10,345 posts)
Thu Aug 27, 2015, 08:35 AM Aug 2015

as a male feminist i have a question

how should I deal with sexism amongst coworkers?

the problem is, I'm the youngest employee of my company and my coworkers are mostly ex military men.

they're good guys, but the sexism that seems instilled in them slips out as a harmless joke every once and a while and I get offended.

I already reported one guy to HR because of some over ogling of a female coworker, followed by some tasteless commentary.

I feel my hands are tied now. I can't go reporting people to HR every time something happens and because of my age and non involvement with the military, I doubt my words are respected.

I am close with these guys, we've worked together for a while and I know they don't TRULY believe what they say. but still, to me it's as careless as making a lighthearted racist joke and prefacing it with "I'm not racist but..."

meh, I'm just venting. I'm sure it'll be fine.

13 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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as a male feminist i have a question (Original Post) retrowire Aug 2015 OP
You are in a difficult spot. femmocrat Aug 2015 #1
Agreed Sherman A1 Aug 2015 #2
good ideas but retrowire Aug 2015 #3
If there is any one of the guys you are particularly close to and trust NV Whino Aug 2015 #4
actually I did do that retrowire Aug 2015 #5
Too bad NV Whino Aug 2015 #6
well i guess thats a relief. retrowire Aug 2015 #7
Stand your ground. blkqt Aug 2015 #8
yeah I've done my part though and i still discourage that conversation retrowire Aug 2015 #9
Why would a man who supports feminism be indebted to women? uppityperson Aug 2015 #10
I think being an example is among the most effective LanternWaste Dec 2015 #11
I agree JFKDem62 Feb 2016 #13
Message auto-removed Name removed Jan 2016 #12

femmocrat

(28,394 posts)
1. You are in a difficult spot.
Thu Aug 27, 2015, 08:51 AM
Aug 2015

First, the female workers need to do the reporting. You could serve as a witness if asked, though.

I think if you go around reporting these guys and acting all offended, they will turn their nastiness on you. You need some allies among the women and then maybe schedule a conference with HR as a group. Then it is up to HR to offer the offenders some guidance.

In the meantime, I would avoid any gatherings of these guys such as the break room or around the water cooler. I would just politely and discreetly make myself unavailable to participate in their banter. Just walk away or make an excuse, doesn't matter.

Good luck.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
3. good ideas but
Thu Aug 27, 2015, 09:06 AM
Aug 2015

the women in the workplace are never targeted except for that one incident which I reported.

it's mostly in their language and jokes, which also isn't quite common but still it grates me.

I can't avoid gatherings of the group because there my team and we work in a lab together.

NV Whino

(20,886 posts)
4. If there is any one of the guys you are particularly close to and trust
Thu Aug 27, 2015, 09:27 AM
Aug 2015

Have a chat with him. Tell him you are uncomfortable with the sexist banter, and you think it is inappropriate. Ask him to approach the other guys. If they've grown up with this kind of behavior, they may not even realize they are doing it.

This is a tricky situation. If you are not close to anyone, this will not work, and he/they will turn on you.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
5. actually I did do that
Thu Aug 27, 2015, 09:43 AM
Aug 2015

for a while he would warn the others that the walls have ears but that didn't last long really.

NV Whino

(20,886 posts)
6. Too bad
Thu Aug 27, 2015, 09:53 AM
Aug 2015

I think you have done all you can do personally. A little hard core education has to come from the company itself. And the move to do so has to be initiated by the women.

blkqt

(5 posts)
8. Stand your ground.
Sun Aug 30, 2015, 12:49 PM
Aug 2015

If you're going to call yourself a male feminist, you're going to have to accept that you're going to be put in these kinds of situations. For every man that chooses to side with sexism, another woman has to suffer out of his selfishness.

You're Indebted to women by calling yourself a feminist and you have to own this responsibility as being a man. If you value petty social relationships over pushing our agenda then you're not a real feminist, and should stop posing as one.

retrowire

(10,345 posts)
9. yeah I've done my part though and i still discourage that conversation
Sun Aug 30, 2015, 01:04 PM
Aug 2015

but I'm not losing my job over it.

I have a woman that I put above all others and I will keep a roof over her head.

 

LanternWaste

(37,748 posts)
11. I think being an example is among the most effective
Fri Dec 4, 2015, 12:19 PM
Dec 2015

I think being the best example possible of what we expect from ourselves and others is among the most effective methods of allowing others perspectives they may not otherwise have have access to.

Response to retrowire (Original post)

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