We have an agreement, signed and sealed, first payment w/in 5-10 days,

[elleng]

Remainder to be delivered in January 2012.

RANT; please pardon.

Please help me feel better about this.

After 2+ years of him futzing around, playing power games, in court today and with encouragement of judge, we 'memorialized' agreement we'd arrived at in ADR 13 months ago. I get NO 'credit for time served,' that is, no interest on the funds which have sat in HIS mutual fund accounts since January 2009, sale of our house, nor do I get 'credit' for fact I agreed to less than 50% of proceeds 13 months ago based on premise funds would be immediately forthcoming. NOR do I get attorney's fees. We had agreed to these terms 13 months ago, and my attorney and I sweated bullets in the interim to put agreement in form to suit the p.o.s., thus running up attorney fees (which are very reasonable, by the way, but still more than $10,000.)

I attempted to change major term, 'Actual amount,' 2 weeks ago, after he failed to appear in court 26 October, me thinking to take our ADR agreement off the table and obtain something more by 'agreement' OR go to trial and leaving decision to judge. Didn't happen, tho I could have insisted (and maybe annoyed judge, even tho he's a very good guy and probably would have understood if I had insisted on telling the tale. He didn't want to hear too much of the tale, so as not to jeopardize the status quo, that is, neither party providing 'evidence' today.)

So I'm annoyed at myself for not having been more aggressive, tho I did what I felt necessary in the context. (I am an attorney and somewhat aware of the does and don'ts in such courtroom situations.)

SO I hope to be able to relax into this, tho I'm afraid I'll retain the resentment, especially at times when I feel constrained from doing things, like traveling and moving to a 'better' neighborhood, due to my essential conservative nature spending-wise.

[reggie the dog]

1. i am going on waiting 18 months for my divorce to go through

and i am still waiting for my ex wife to pay me for my share of our condo.

drawn out divorces suck.

[elleng]

6. Yes, reggie, drawn out divorces suck!

'hug'

[maddezmom]

2. can only offer my support

and if you need to vent...I'll be here to listen.

My divorce was finalized Sept 17, child custody and all items were worked out by both of us and it's a good divorce. Child support and other (alimony) monies have been forth coming since then. However, getting my settlement has been another matter...not due to my ex but all the paperwork and signing off by his company, judge, company, forward to the account manger, etc. Hopefully it will be settled by next week. Keeping my finger crossed.

[elleng]

5. Thanks, maddezmom,

and will vent if necessary; hope not!

Good that items worked out satisfactorily; just need mine to obtain funds from investments, and send check to me. He told judge 5-10 days; we'll see.

WHERE ARE THE SMILIES???

[cliffordu]

3. Took me more than a year to get mine over with - Should have taken 90 days.

I wanted to settle and offered her most of everything - she wanted to go to court to take it all - against the advice of everyone involved including her own attorney...

It was agonizing - she drug it out, changing attorneys twice and hiring a third to come in at the last minute.

The judge gave me twice what I ever asked for, and I took it.

She admitted in open court that she wanted me on the street.

Never again. Married 28 years and it degenerated into that.

I hope you heal from this quickly, elleng.

Mine was over in June and I feel soooooo much better I cannot believe it.

[elleng]

4. Sorry to hear of your trials, cliffordu,

and glad judge gave you what s/he did.

(THanks for replying; just got back here!)

Same: Should have taken 90 days.

2 judges encouraged settlement through ADR, clearly didn't want trial, and their calendars didn't allow for playing with trials, so after we got agreement in principle, we were backing and forthing with language, due to his b.s., and 'husb' missed couple court dates. Had I known the p.o.s. would delay as he did, would never have 'agreed' to such fair terms, would have insisted on 'interest pending litigation,' and attorney's fees.

Awaiting $ now, trying to figure out where to park it, and hoping to heal.

Right, never again; still married (due to his health insurance available to me,) and surely wouldn't do it again!

[mia]

7. Time to celebrate and move on in so many ways.

As time goes by, you'll feel better about not having been more aggressive . I know that I do.

[elleng]

8. Thanks SO MUCH, mia,

I REALLY appreciate this, just what the financial advisor ordered.

[mia]

9. Glad to see you smile!

: )

[sce56]

10. Could be worse!

Mine was finalized in 06 she never paid a dime. Then this year by pyscho-terroisim she got custody of the ninos now After getting hit with child support, she never paid any of that or the medical expenses, I filed a writ of execution and started getting my judgment from her 5 years later! She kept the home and then said she lost it, Mexico, for those wondering why she owes me and the time spent owing was and additional 10% which is still being charged to her. Took from Aug to October for them to take first garnishment from her and I did not see a check until last week!

Yeah and I still have to deal with her for the next 4 years....

[elleng]

11. OMG, sce,

UNBELIEVABLY sorry!
Will be on him w/in 2 weeks if I haven't seen first of 2 payments, and adult daughters 'only' involved emotionally, not legally, so NOTHING as awful as your situation. GOOD at least you finally got A check.

[sce56]

12. You know I tried to take the high road I never pushed for support

I did it on my own but as soon as she had both of them she had money dream even told my daughter she was buying a Lexis next year! Well the Garnishment took care of that I had told her before court we can work it out she refused so I hit her with a garnishment and yes it felt good!

[elleng]

13. Good to hear your decision forced her to behave reasonably,

even tho not voluntary.
High road takes a toll sometimes, doesn't it?

[sce56]

14. Nope it is still a nightmare.

Lesson learned was make sure you get a psych evaluation before marrying some one!

[elleng]

17. ABSOLUTELY RIGHT about that!

Wonder if signs of sociopath would have shown up.

[SheilaT]

15. I am just so grateful that my two sons

were already grown before divorce happened to me.

[elleng]

16. Good, that, SheilaT, but daughters are old enough they should be handling this b.s. better, imo.

23 & 26, tho things 'pending' since '06, so maybe they weren't old enough when it began to digest. Dunno.

[SheilaT]

18. While it didn't happen to me

I've seen and heard of enough examples of grown children reacting and behaving very badly to parental divorce to be saddened, but not surprised.

My sons are now 24 and 29 (as of two weeks from now). The divorce started in about 2007. While my ex behaved badly in terms of how he left me, and subsequent struggles over money, from everything you've said he was maybe ten percent as bad as your ex. I was lucky.