I know this isn't about me, it's my brother… May I ask???
I noticed from comments that whenever there's a question, the group responds…
My brother, who after 40 years of marriage, then divorce, then "adjustment" to find himself, had a girlfriend who finally, after searching around, seemed to be "perfect". I know that nobody is…
Long story (and it is a long one) short, she has dropped him after deciding that he is just to rough for her rather ideal everyday expectations -
Expectations:
1) No tolerance for swearing (she even spelled, "h.e.c.k." when mad)
2) No tolerance for forgetting to call her by a certain time (which he was pretty damned good at doing)
3) No tolerance for "not getting it up" (this was the strange one.. he's in his 60's and I have to say, that's a tall order sometimes)
I could go on, but after playing "Dear Abby" and asking him to honestly analyze this strict regimen, I find that she was pretty predictable as to what she would say and how she would say it relating to every day phone calls, and weirdly, in the bedroom. Now, before you think I'm strange for getting this involved into the discussion, you have to understand that I'm pretty honest with siblings. Frankly, after the years of marriage and what my brother thought it was going to take to "keep a girlfriend", he has analyzed so much with me, that I've asked if he could ask others, especially professionally. I don't want to give sex advice. What I'm really wondering is the controlled nature of this woman. There are too many things unknown behind that kind of control that give me pause. I and my sister have advised him to steer clear. Somehow, he keeps thinking he ought to be able to have a chance again.
There may be many more issues brother-wise… I'm just wondering about the over 60 dating and relationship thing and if this controlled behavior from his now ex-girlfriend was a sign of much stronger issues with her.
Any thoughts? Thanks in advance… 
= new reply since forum marked as read
Sounds a bit over-controlling to me, or just looking for excuses to exit? I wouldn't know how to deal with it. Others may.
Yeeessss…. It IS a long story, which will tease out, I guess. Oh, and complicated, because she never divorced the 2nd marriage (8 years) because of his health care policy carrying her. She's "waiting" until she's Medicare eligible. I actually can understand this, as she has been separated for over 2 years. She apparently was following advice from her lawyer.
but my husband and I never divorced; separated. An agonizing process, available 'here' for those interested in the saga. So I now (he died 2 years ago) have his, which had been our federal employees health benefits, (I do pay a premium) and medicare, maybe the best health insurance around.
First, my ex-SIL was a controlling person. She could never be wrong, and over the years, I swear that if there was a way to make the person she was married to feel less of a person, she took that opportunity. My brother was no angel in the way he minimized her finishing her degree all those years, but as his earning power slip away and she finished her degree, I noticed more and more of a game play on who was king of the hill. I personally think counseling could have helped my brother 10 years before it ended, but he opted to go to the bottle intermittently.
This woman/ex-girlfriend seems to have a fantasy as to how relationships are supposed to be, which is Ozzie and Harriet. She also has a very close relationship to her ailing parents. Well, that's not hard to do, but the father seemed to take charge with some scorn against my brother in a very brief conversation that was not confrontational on my brother's part.
I guess I just feel like I want to infuse a dose of, "you WILL go on!". I hope he comes around soon with wanting to get this girl back. He's a decent and attractive guy who just needs some confidence in living in his own skin. He wants to please and sometimes thinks that THIS is how you express love. I believe you have to be yourself, so if someone is so incensed that you use swear words… well… 
How bout YOU venturing a little past the southern tier of NY, eh? 
Maybe dogs and parrots and well structured chickens! 
I believed from the onset that he was interested in having a significant other for company so that he wouldn't be "eating dinner alone". He certainly has all the skill sets of running a home and gets out to volunteer at the local senior center. He will separated/divorced going on 5 years, in this new community almost 3 years as a divorced man.
He DOES need to work on being by himself in what I think should be "unconditional" relationships. This thing of having to serve as some role model ("Women like ____ things, right?"
It's like he forgot, or maybe he never learned before having to GET married upon pregnancy with the ex-wife.
I also agree that she should be avoided. It AIN'T gonna help his real problem, is it? He became a church goer and bible study attendee primarily due to this woman.
I find the strict Ozzie and Harriet act strange, in light of the fact that she primarily wanted a predictable schedule of sex, and was guarded or jealous if anything went off schedule.
