i'm just tired. sick and tired.

[mopinko]

stbex is dragging his feet on disclosures, and running up the tab w atty fees. not that thrilled w counsel. she is thorough, but seems to be looking for a trial.
broke down and hired a forensic accountant. hoping they are worth the money, dollar-wise. peace of mind-wise, i expect they will be worth it.

but every nasty email from him puts a cloud over another day.

please god just lets get this thing done before the next court date. july 9.

[elleng]

1. Damn!

and very sorry atty fees are part of the issue. I had a retainer for mine, and only 'extras' were court fees, which were minimal. And avoided a trial, which both my attorney and the judge wanted to avoid. I might have done somewhat better, cash-wise, with a trial (according to ME, anyway,) but am OK with my pension + 2 survivor pensions.

Never heard of a forensic accountant. Sounds interesting, for a 'mystery' tv series, anyway.

I understand that e.mails, or regular mail, puts clouds over a day, esp when depression looms, which I was able to shake off after my atty said to me "He's a sociopath." Had a BIG AHA moment, and let go of anti-depression meds that week, 'cold turkey.'

I just found a couple mail messages, in cleaning up my stuff, and ALMOST laughed at them.

2 year anniversary of his death is in 1 week, so expect to hear 'cries' from daughters, but surely not from me.

Life continues, mop.

[mopinko]

2. yes it does.

might be hanging by my toenails, but i am hanging.

[Demeter]

3. Been there, done that

Can you get him on the hook for your atty. fees?

Hope you haven't any children in play....bastard ex kidnapped ours, took me 4 weeks, a lawyer from the internet, and a trip cross country...he hasn't communicated with them since he spent a night in jail for not paying support for 6 years (that was after the kidnapping failed so utterly)....he was a tight bastard, if the money wasn't spent on him.

[mopinko]

6. well there is only one pot of money here.

he left me with enough money that i cant get atty's fees until i spend it all. which i sorta refuse to do. so in the end, i pay half.

kids are all grown, but the youngest is disabled and lives in a rental property that we own. it is integral to the farm, so natch he is fighting for it. no equity in it, just spite.
he wants to sell it which will likely force/allow her to move. and take the disputed dog with her. i have released my claim on him so that she can have him, but he is not cut out for life in an apartment. he needs the farm to roam. right now we have a "joint custody agreement" and she can take him when she can prove that she can care for and handle him and keep him fulfilled. she is working on that, but it is hard for her.
she would like to move closer to her snaky bf's job. i really dont want to lose her from my life. she is the only one of my 5 kids i have a decent relationship with.
yeah, spite.

[Demeter]

8. Funny, I have a disabled daughter, too

He wanted to institutionalize her, and put her sister in boarding school...

Ignore the total lack of appropriate institutions!

[mopinko]

10. jeebus.

this kid is on the road to handling it all, but we recently found out that her lifelong, varied health problems mostly stem from a childhood brain injury.
her seizures are mostly under control, but the developmental problems that it caused are here for good.

unbelievably, she recently was fired from a job she loved and was very good at when the company found out she was epileptic. yeah, lawsuit should be a slam dunk. but now every time she applies for a job she has to explain out the gate about it to explain the reason she lost the last job. she is going to have one hell of a time finding another.
she only needs very simple accommodations, like no shift changes and a safety plan. but a steady shift is getting harder and harder to find.
sigh.
she will need help for a long time.

[Demeter]

4. That's what I'd call a good anniversary!

[elleng]

5. Yes, and because of it

I'm able to live in a beautiful place near one of our daughters (and grandson.)

[mopinko]

7. me too.

if only mine would keel over. preferably while we are still legally married.

[Demeter]

9. I used to pray the plane would land safely

Then, later, that it would crash (I was bothered about the "collateral damage" though)...

[SheilaT]

11. A forensic accountant ought to be well worth the money.

A while back, when I was a paralegal, my first attorney had me go over the ledgers of a small company, because his client thought they were somehow hiding money. I am not an accountant, nor even a bookkeeper, but it was very interesting. It became clear after a while that the bookkeeper in this small company was incredibly ethical and honest.

In your case, he probably isn't all that ethical and honest, so someone with a lot greater knowledge than I have needs to be looking at things.

[mopinko]

12. yeah, just hired one.

really like him, too. experienced in divorce work, and open to finding ways to keep everything together.

it's not so much that i think he is stashing money as that he is cashing out and spending assets that he should be splitting.
if he can claw back even half of that, he will pay for himself.
subpoenas about to fly, tho.

accountant is more open to answering money questions than my lawyer, too. she is focused on the split, but i am focused on the fact that this deal has to see me through the next 30 years.
i think he can put together a better deal than the attorney.
(he is cute, too.)