My son just told me his wife asked for a divorce this morning.

[intheflow]

Merry Christmas, right?

He also told me she's four months pregnant with their second child.

I'm hoping it's hormones and holiday stress. They've been together for almost 12 years, been married since 2009. I live 2000 miles away and feel awful that I can't be more present for my son, and also fearful that things between them will go horribly south and I'll be estranged from my grandchildren. Right now they're talking about going to counseling, so I hope they follow through with that.

My DIL says she's not attracted to my son any more (or maybe it's that she's finding someone else more attractive, it was hard to tell over the phone with my son this morning). The thing is, they're best friends, they have very similar tastes, interests and goals in life, and they're both very pragmatic, but they both work very stressful jobs. Hers more than my son's. I think she's being unrealistic about her longterm happiness, especially if she's physically attracted to someone else right now, but who can tell that to a 30-year-old? Certainly not her mother-in-law.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I went through divorce myself when my son was young, but I'd gotten married at 18, three days before my son was born, and my husband was a raging alcoholic. Very different marriage circumstances. I'd hoped better for my son and DIL.

[elleng]

1. Very sorry to hear this, intheflow.

At LEAST let's hope counseling will help, esp as a baby is due and there's already a child.

"Attracted?" Really, who cares, at that point? (This from a 69 year old, separated from daughters' father in '06 after he hit me, so 'attraction' hadn't been featured for some time.)

Best wishes to all of you.

[intheflow]

2. Thanks, elleng.

I'm 50 and I've stopped being ruled by my attractions, but they sure played hell with my life when I was younger. I doubt she has any thing like my former raging libido, but it may be that my son is the only man she's ever been with. That can bring about it's own hormonal head trip. I put up with a lot from my current partner because even though he's needy/loud/awkward, he's absolutely reliable/honest/thoughtful. It's not like I don't have my foibles as well; balanced compromise can be healthy. My DIL is smart, she'll figure it out in her own life eventually, but I worry it won't be until she turns 50. My son understand it now, but he was born an old soul.

Thanks for the group hug.

[elleng]

3. Lots to think about here, intheflow,

and if she's really smart, she should figure it out sooner rather than later. Fingers seriously crossed, for the children of course.

[villager]

4. Reminds me of when I had to break the news to *my* parents, some 13 years ago...

I beat around the bush about the "why" for several days -- but it was that my wife was busy having an affair (we had a toddler and an 8 year-old then).

Of course, it's not that an affair intruded to a perfect/harmonious marriage -- but my wife's actions were indeed the coup de grace.

As my sons get older, I can appreciate how tough such news must be for parents, as well.

Best to you and yours during all this....

[intheflow]

5. Thank you, villager.

I'm so sorry you and the boys went through that. The good thing about being a parent going through a child's divorce is that you absolutely know that there's another life waiting at the end of the divorce process. When you're in the middle of it, it can be very hard to see that clearly.

[mopinko]

6. does she really think she is going to get lucky while pregnant?

really sounds like hormones and exhaustion. it causes you to crash in on yourself, and forget why you had these people in your life anyway.

hope things work out. what you say makes a lot of sense, tho i am sure it wouldnt to her.

[intheflow]

7. She lost the baby.

I hate to think it was self-induced abortion, maybe it was just stress, but it happened. They've been separated for almost three months now. My son thinks she's seeing one of her coworkers, a man he pegged a year ago as a player. The good thing is, my son is almost relieved it's over. Didn't realize how bad it was, what a loveless marriage it was, until he was out from under the yoke of it. So I'm glad about that.

Thanks, mo. I appreciate the good wishes for the future.