i'm done holding my marriage together with duct tape and chicken wire

[fizzgig]

we haven't been anything more than roommates for months and he's given up, so i see no reason in continuing.

at the wedding, his mother said i must have the patience of job. that patience is gone and i can't keep trying to cobble this together.

i fell in love the moment i saw him and i'm devastated.

[TexasTowelie]

1. I'm sorry to hear that fizzgig.

Sometimes it is impossible to work out differences when people are on divergent paths. However, if it isn't meant to be then it is best to move on so that both people can be happy. I don't ever recall you mentioning that you have children so at least you have some flexibility that other people may not have.

I hope that you find someone that will make you happy and will work with you to build a strong relationship, but don't rush into another relationship. You will need some time to heal from this experience.

[fizzgig]

3. no kids, no mortgage

minor things bind us, but nothing that can't be easily severed.

the only thing i'm trying to focus on is taking care of myself. i start therapy again next week. good timing.

[applegrove]

2. Vibes to you.

[fizzgig]

4. thanks

[SheilaT]

5. My experience is that this time

is the worst. The time when you realize the marriage is irretrievably broken. The time when you realize all those hopes and dreams you started with are now dead.

You must do what's best for you. Starting over is very difficult, but it can be done. Somewhere down the road you will have a better life, one that you cannot now imagine.

Turn to us for support any time you need us.

[fizzgig]

6. i put up a good fight to keep it together

but i still feel like i failed.

i'm just hoping we can do this as easily and painlessly as possible.

[SheilaT]

7. I think, partly based on my own experience,

that trying hard to make it work can lead to a feeling of failure. But you didn't really fail. Not *you* alone. There are lots of reasons marriages come to an end, and sometimes no matter what there's no saving the relationship.

I can tell you that over time that feeling will diminish. As you build your own life, your new life, you'll find a sense of accomplishment in new things.

[fizzgig]

8. i don't know what else i could do

he's got some underlying, untreated and denied mental health issues and i can't do anything about that. me, i'm medicated and headed back to therapy.

but then there are days like today where he's super sweet. fuck, i hate this.

[villager]

9. Yeah, the moment I realized my Ex-Wife had irrevocably hit the "ejector seat" button....

...on our own marriage was very tough indeed.

We have two sons between us, and had a mortgage (which is now hers).

Nest is clearing -- one son halfway through colllege, the other in high school -- and man, that has made things much easier, this many years on...

I am wistful to see them grow, but enjoying the natural "devolution" of ties to my Ex...

[laundry_queen]

10. Yeah, I can relate to that.

The first few months were awful. We have 4 kids and so we are still in touch. I'm looking forward to not talking/seeing him all the time once the kids are grown.

To fizzgig: Huge hugs for you. If you can, and want to, see if you can find a support group. Not one of those 'bashing the ex' type of support groups, but the type where you can discuss with others the stages that you go through. Just having someone to talk to that 'gets it' helps because when you are going through it, it seems that people who aren't going through it, or haven't, really don't get it at all. I was part of a really good one for a couple of years and it helped tons.

Sending some positive thoughts your way.

[villager]

11. Yup. Support groups, and being able to "talk" help a lot

...I found. So much of your own reality is denied to make the marriage "work" -- i.e., you're tamping things down, "forfeiting territory," as it were -- that just being able to finally talk about your experience, without being challenged, or getting into an argument... is a great relief!

[laundry_queen]

12. So true

almost like a 'debriefing' I found. I agree with everything you've said.

[villager]

13. "Debriefing" it is, lq. Claiming your own "reality" back...

[Blue_Roses]

14. I can definitely relate

My spouse is going through a mid-life crisis and I found out he's having an affair with an old high sweetheart. (She's married too)

I feel like I have been "gutted".

I know you are hurting and sometines the pain is unbearable, but know that you are not alone.

[Callalily]

15. Hang in there.

It's tough holding onto a marriage when one partner is doing all of the work and the other is just drifting.

You WILL find yourself and you WILL find happiness and peace.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[dawg]

16. I'm sorry y'all have had trouble.

This group has very little activity, which is surprising considering how many of us have to deal with these sorts of issues. It's been a long time since your OP, so maybe you are feeling better now. I hope so. Just be sure to take good care of yourself.

[a la izquierda]

17. I know how you feel...

From an opposite perspective, I think.
And I'm sorry. I know how it sucks.
Good vibes to you.

[BlueJazz]

18. I've had much enjoyment in my life riding Roller coasters.

I had a very special Lady that I loved. She stay on a coaster all the time.
Finally wore me out...the up and downs finally got to me.
I cashed out at the end of the line.
I still miss her at times but I know I'm more happy without her.