It’s better to have loved and lost

[rhiannon55]

than never to have loved at all.

...or so they say.

Today I’m not so sure that this is true. If I had not totally given my heart to my beloved husband, my heart would not be utterly shattered by his loss. I don’t know if I can ever be happy again. I don’t know how to stop missing him so fiercely. How do people cope after losing half their heart? Sometimes I start crying and it feels like I can never stop. I am not suicidal (I could not do that to my children and grandchildren), but I understand the widows in India who climb onto the pyres and burn with their dead husbands. I can’t envision my future without him in it. How can I open to a future that I can’t see? Right now I can’t see past this broken moment.

It’s Christmas day, and it has been exactly four months today since my sweet husband, best friend, and soulmate died. I am so incredibly sad.

[Angry Dragon]

1. .............

[auntAgonist]

2. My heart aches for you ..

I'm so sorry Rhiannon

aA
kesha

[ceveritt]

3. Shattered

I am so sorry, Rhiannon.

Shattered is a good word for it. My wife died 3 1/2 years ago. I won't say I know how you feel, but I think I have an idea. For what it's worth—which isn't much, I realize—my deepest sympathies.

CE

[orleans]

4. i'm sorry you're going through this devestating time in your life

the longest, closest, and most significant relationship i had in my life was with my mother--she was my very best friend, my biggest ali and we had some major fights through the years. she was my rock.

it's been over two years now since she passed on and i'm still a wreck although, through all appearances, i hold it together far better than i did. i still do my mental tailspins, sobbing and pacing through the house, talking to her throughout my day, asking her for signs to let me know she is still around me. and, unfortunately, they come far less frequently than they did.

it's the most difficult thing -- this physical absence of her -- that i've ever experienced. and yet i am awed at how much we are able to love someone and how much someone can be loved. that's the incredible part for me. and the fact that it doesn't die--it goes on and on.

our hearts heal in their own time--some maybe a lot slower than others. but that's okay. how wonderful that your husband meant so much to someone who he shared his life with. how wonderful that you had someone that you loved so much. because when everything else is said and done, love is the only thing that really matters.

and i believe love is something we take with us when we go.