My husband of 23 years, died on June first.

[Big Blue Marble]

He died after a very short illness. I am still in shock.
I have lost many of my family, often quite suddenly, but
nothing has prepared me for this complex sense of grief
and loss.

I am grateful to find others here who can guide me with
their wisdom and experience.

[auntAgonist]

1. First, let me say how terribly sorry I am for your loss.

I'm glad you found us here and hope that you can find some comfort in the knowledge that you are NOT alone.

I can't begin to imagine your pain but I know that others here have experienced the loss of their spouse and will hopefully join me in surrounding you with caring and hugs, even if the hugs are virtual across the miles.

Please check in as often as your are able to.




aA
kesha







edited for spelling error.

[boston bean]

2. I am very sorry for your loss Big Blue Marble.

This will not be an easy time. Know that you have friends here you can talk to, when you need to.

Please take care...

[applegrove]

3. I'm so sorry. Vibes to you and yours.

[Uben]

4. Sorry for your loss.....

.....I know your pain. I lost my wife on Feb. 5th. It was undoubtedly the hardest thing I have ever endured. If there is anything I can do, ask. You've made it through the funeral, and now things are settling down, and you are alone (assuming your experience mirrors mine).
If you are dealing with medical expenses, insurance companies, etc., I may be able to help you figure some of this out. I have just finished navigating through this. Everyone's situation is different, but I know I was overwhelmed with medical bills in just the two months my wife was ill. Also, there is the probate process, if your husband had a will. It may or may not need to be probated, depending on your situation. Any of these things you have questions on, feel free to ask.

Right now, dealing with your grief is job one. It's hard.....but it will eventually ease as time passes. Please IM me if you want. I had a very sweet person here on this forum offer me the same in my time of need. It made a difference (Thanks Hep)

These are the times we have to lean on others to help us heal. Don't be afraid to ask.

Uben

[Big Blue Marble]

11. Thank you for sharing your experience.

It is so helpful to read and hear about how others have experienced this
horrendous loss. Nothing in my life has prepared me for total upending of my reality.
There is so much to manage. I keep hitting walls in the legal system, in the bureaucracies
of government and corporations at the time I have the least energies or intellect to
fight these battles.

I hardly have the time to process and feel my grief. It is actually what I want to do. To
be in touch with my grief gives me more of a connection with my husband. Even as painful
as it feels, it is far more comforting than most of my life right now. I look forward to
a time when I can quietly re-experience my memories and sort through the treasures
of our shared lives, to find new perspectives and meanings in our precious time together.

Thank for offering to be there for support. As you know, that means so much right now.

[Uben]

13. Im' taking time to grieve

I know it feels overwheming at times....all the legal crap associated with some deaths. I have dealt with it....separate properties, trusts, name changes, account closings, etc. It's the last thing you want to deal with while grieving, yet it is still important to deal with it as soon as possible, so we do.
I'm about done. Now, I can grieve on my own time and not have to worry about who needs what. It is sad that this is how it is, but it is. It has taken six months to get here. While my grief has abated a bit, I still grieve...everyday...several times a day. I suppose I will until I can replace that love with something as fulfilling as it was. That may take some time.

[livetohike]

5. My sympathy to you and your family and everyone who knew and loved

your husband May all the good memories you have help to comfort you.....please check in here whenever you can.

[GreenPartyVoter]

6. I am so very sorry for your loss! *hugs*

[Big Blue Marble]

7. Thank you all for your kind supportive responses.

Kindness is definitely the nutrient that I need right now as I unravel my loss
and begin to remake myself. It is wonderful to learn that it is so abundant
here on DU.

Right now I am overwhelmed with responsibilities of winding down my husband's
affairs (He had an active business that has to be sold.) and handling the probate.
I guess it is good to be too busy to think too much. But exhaustion is a big part
of it too. Sleep is precious when I can get it.

Thank you again for being here. it really helps.

[ceveritt]

8. Just one thing

I only have this to offer: Please try to take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself now.

It will be difficult, but you will not regret it. No one else can do what you must do yourself.

Best wishes,

CE

[DesertFlower]

9. so sorry.

i lost my husband on 5/27/12 to a brain tumor. he came home from work on 2/28 at 4:20 -- had something to eat. we were watching politics on tv and at 4:50 he had a seizure. 3 months later he was gone.

we were together almost 42 years.

i have some health problems and he was taking care of me. now i'm all alone -- no family or friends here.

i'm a mess. i cry -- i scream. i never knew that adults made noise when they cried. i thought only children did that.

since his diagnosis i've been getting panic attacks. doc put me on ativan. sometimes i feel like i'm going to jump out of my skin.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002733087

[Big Blue Marble]

10. Dear DesertFlower

I am so sorry to read of your loss of your husband. I, too, am experiencing the
disorientation that you express. There is so much uncertainty and confusion to manage

We have lost not only our husbands, but our worlds; our realities have shifted.
Pleas stay in touch. We will find our way back to sanity, back to life.

Trust that if others have, we can too.

Hugs

[DesertFlower]

14. hugs to you.

feel free to PM me if you want. the paperwork was overwhelming and i'm still dealing with it.

right after he passed the bank locked my account. it seems like everyday another problem pops up.

we need to to grieve -- yet we have to take care of all these other problems that arise.

[We are Devo]

12. I am so sorry for your loss...

It must be horrible. I lost my only sister a yr. and a half ago. I still want to pick up the phone and call her. It makes me cry that I can't. She didn't have a will so my brother and I had to deal with an atty and probate, etc, for months. It was exhausting. On top of this, we had lost our mom two months before our sister! We had two estates to deal with. The grief has gotten easier, but it is still hard to believe she is gone. She was dx'ed with pancreatic cancer and gone a month later. Unbelievable.
Hang in there!

[Ron Obvious]

15. I'm so sorry..

I came to this group to whine about being the last survivor of my family, but I can't even begin to imagine grief like yours yet.

My wife and I have been married for nearly 30 years. I'm going to give her an extra big hug when she gets home tonight.

Peace...

[mainstreetonce]

16. I just read about people who

Are going through what I am going through. I don't know where else to go for help. I feel like today I just crashed. I lost my husband of 42 years in May. I thought I was doing ok, but I knew a big crash would come.

Anyone with ideas about what will help please let me know.

[auntAgonist]

17. mainstreetonce I'm glad/sad that you found us. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

Please know that you are most welcome here and know also that the members care deeply for each other and are here whenever you need someone to listen.



I hope you find some solace here.

aA
kesha.


PS; feel free to start a thread and tell us about your dear (late) husband.

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. I second AA's notion. If you feel up to telling us, we will be here to listen. :^)

[whathehell]

20. mainstreetonce...I'm not in your shoes, but I'm at the age when I've considered how it would be if

I were.

My husband and I are both in our early sixties and in reasonably good health,

but we have no children and when he went abroad for an unusually long business trip

I realized, after the first week, how alone I really was without him. Yes,

I have some friends and things I'm involved with, but I'm living far

from where I grew up, and where my only remaining family,

a sister and her children and grandchildren are living.

I decided that if I were suddenly left alone without my husband,

I would move back to my home area, close to family....Is this an option for you?

[GreenPartyVoter]

18. I'm so very sorry! *hugs*

[PinkTiger]

21. Delayed reactions

I've posted on this site before, after my husband of 35 years died on January 14. At the time I thought I was doing fine. However, I had a delayed reaction to grief. I'm not sure why. But I can say this to anyone who has lost someone recently - expect the unexpected. It takes a long time to come to grips with what you have lost. In my case, I made lots of mistakes, but that is OK. Be kind and forgiving to yourself and allow yourself to make mistakes. That is part of the process.
I often wonder what my husband would think if he showed up today and saw all the changes I have made. LOL. But we do the best we can.