losing my mom was bad enough . . .

[DollyM]

I lost my mom in January after her 20 month battle with cancer. She was my best friend and we were inseparable. I am so grieving her loss but dealing with my two brothers who are apparently grieving the loss of her money and taking it out on me. I took care of her to her last breath and she she shared financially with me. Now my brothers are pitching a fit and saying that I stole 90 thousand dollars from her (not sure where they got that number--if she ever had 90 thousand dollars it went to medical bills) and treating me like I am a horrible person. One hadn't spoke to her in 10 years after he got mad at her and the other lives 1000 miles away and spoke to her like 4 times a year but he just knows that I stole money from her that they should have got. I am just sick over this as well as being sick over losing my mom. I have got an attorney and am trying to buy my brother's out of my mom's house but they are demanding an amount that is way above what it is worth because they say I stole money from her that they think they should got. Just sick about it all . . .

[seabeyond]

1. you are right. "losing my mom was bad enough . . ."

i am sorry the three of you are going through this and this is how your brothers choose to deal with it all.

take care of YOU

[orleans]

2. oh dolly...

how sad and upsetting for you--you're still in the early process/phase of grief and you have to contend with that accusation? i'm really sorry.
i hope you have a good attorney.

when someone hasn't spoken to a person for ten years they should be ashamed of themselves for turning into a vulture after that person has passed on.

did your mom have a will? did she name an executor? i'm so sorry you have to go through this on top of what you're already going through.

[auntAgonist]

3. Dolly this must be so terribly hard for you , I'm really sorry they are treating you this way.

Was there a will? Oh I wish I had some advice for you but all I have is a cyber hug and my deepest sympathy. Your grieving is still raw and your love for your Mother will never fade.

Hang in there dear heart ...

I hope someone else here has some good advice for you.



kesha.

[grantcart]

4. sorry for your loss.

I hope that you will find a counselor to talk this through so you can get some distance on this.

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. I am so sorry! *hugs* I hope that your attorney can

help you with this difficult situation.

[DollyM]

6. She did have a will and I am executor

She did have a Will and I am executor. Probably part of the problem, they are both extremely jealous that she and I were very close and she put me in charge. It just hurts so much to have to deal with all these accusations when I am grieving over the loss of my best friend. They are just grieving over the loss of money obviously. My middle brother has decided he is going to buy her house, which has caused me a great of distress after the way he treated her. So I have also been processing the loss of my mom's home, knowing I will never go in there again. (My brother was very abusive to me growing up and we have no relationship other than him being totally horrid and hateful to me). My brother came to my house a couple of nights ago and announced he was buying the house and he wanted my mom's animals out now, that those were my problem. So I am trying to blend three more cats and a dog into my house with my three cats. THere is a lot of hissing going on here.

[orleans]

8. if your brother has access to your mom's house now

then it's probably a good idea to get the animals out of there before he leaves the door open and they run off.

you might also want to remember the house isn't completely his until he signs the papers.

sorry you have to go through this. hang in there.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

11. This is a good point. And why do they have access? nt

[Sarah Ibarruri]

7. Why didn't they bother to take care of her? To call her? To go out of their way

for her? I don't get it. As much as it hurts you to be in the middle of this craziness, understand that you are the only one who who bothered to be there for your mom. I don't believe that children are off the hook with regard to their parents. I believe that children have an equal responsibility for one another, one to care for the child, the other to care for the elderly and helpless adult. I can't get over how many offspring I see carting off their folks to a nursing home and going off to enjoy their lives as if they were never going to be old.

They set a horrific example for their own children. Instead of being selfish (and greedy!) they should be caring toward their elderly family members, and set the tone for the up and coming generation. What kind of example is it to segregate the elderly and treat them like dogs to be taken to a pound then never bothered with again.

It's hard for you because you don't have the support of the living relatives, your brothers. Perhaps one day they will open their eyes and realize that one has to be there for parents, unless they're evil monsters, which few are, and they will reach out to you.

Until then, try not to feel bad. It wasn't you that did something wrong. It was them. And it was your mom's choice to do whatever the heck she wanted with whatever amount of money she had.

[DollyM]

9. kind of what I thought . . .

but my brother sees it differently. He thinks just because he called her four times a year that he knows everything about her and he is sure that he was supposed to have more money from her. No proof of that, he is knows it. My attorney says not to stress over it that it is his word against mine but it still hurts. Today I went to feed the animals and one cat was missing, I looked all over the house and found it huddled up stairs in the attic where they had left the door open and it escaped there to get away from them. If it had gone any farther it would have hit open space and fall down between the walls and I would have been calling the fire department to come tear out a wall to rescue a cat--and then sent them the bill! I went back just a few minutes ago and that poor cat is so spooked, it would hardly come to me. But they treated my mom like crap so why should they care about what was important to her, her animals. I tell you one thing this experience has taught me, I went and had a Will made and since my only child was killed in a car accident three years ago, I made my neighbors and good friends more sole beneficiaires of everything I own. I also put it in my Will about the care of the animals. They are animal lovers too so i know they will do right by them if something happened to me. In fact, their teenage daughter is so good that she comes over and walks my mom's dog every couple of days just because she wants to. Now those are family, people that you can count on, not people who are related to you by blood that could care less about you.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

10. Your brother sounds like a narcissist.

Get yourself some counseling to deal with your feelings about this, and move on. You have no choice but to do what it takes to move on. Me, I'd get counseling, AND write them a letter explaining to them everything that they, as the sons of your mom, should have done for her, and didn't do. One doesn't have to live next door to do for one's parents the maximum one can do. They didn't even do the MINIMUM!

Also, food for thought. If they treated their own mom this way, do you expect them to treat you, their sister, any better? I think not!!!!.

Get counseling so you don't end up suffering from unnecessary guilt feelings. They are the ones that should be feeling guilty and ashamed of their behavior toward their mom in her last years of life, and it's clearly they don't care a rat's ass about what they did and failed to do.

[DollyM]

12. I have been in counseling for the past two months . . .

this all brought on PTSD issues with me due to abuse by one brother. Having the other one attack me verabally as well has made it even more difficult.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

13. Sorry you're going through all this. It must be so hard on you. nt

[CC]

14. First, so sorry you lost your

mom. You've had so much to deal with and do not need the crap from your brothers. Since you have a lawyer use him. Have him guide you step by step and make all contact go through him. Any money to pay for his services should come from the estate. BTW most times a will is contested in court those that contest it lose and end up paying cost themselves. Stand up and fight for your mom's last wishes. Be honest with the lawyer and be sure to ask him things like if you take on her animals can there be a trust fund set up for their keep, food and medical. It would only be fair since you are providing a home and comfort for them. Ask if the brother is allowed to change anything or move into mom's house before he pays for it. (Bet he isn't if you don't agree.) Also the executor get a percentage of the estate for their trouble, lovingly given or not. As for the brothers wanting their price for the house I would get what they want in writing. Then get a real appraisal. Offer no more than what the appraisal is to them. When they refuse tell them fine, they can pay what they wanted for it. (Run this through the lawyer of course.) I would insist all communication be done through the lawyer. It keeps a very good record just in case and will help lighten the load on you. Oh and you need to write down everything said to you and that you say to them. I know it is hard to think when you are hurting so much but you just have too. Your brothers are counting on you not not to think things through and to give up. Stand you ground, one day you will be glad you did. Sending lots of hugs and healing thoughts.