Dealing with the aftermath of a death

[Uben]

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I am making my way through dealing with the medical bills and other issues associated with my wifes death in February. No one tells you what to do or how to do it, so I thought it might be a good idea to address these issues.

As for the medical bills, the advice I got from friends was to wait until they all came in before paying them. One does not know which bills they are to pay or the insurance company is to pay. I found the advice of waiting to be good. It is now two months since she died, and most bills are in. I am now getting statements from the insurance company showing which bills they paid and which ones I am liable for. It has become a lot clearer now how the system works. So, If you are confused, as most are I would assume, just wait.

Since my wife had a rather large estate, the probate process for her will will take up to six months. However, the judge will issue a ruling on executorship usually within six weeks or so of the filing date. I cannot access funds in her estate (well, I can but my lawyer told me not to) until the judge makes his ruling. Once an executor is established (which will be me) I can then pay all the bills in full.

In the mean time, I have contacted all creditors and told them of the situation. All have been very cooperative and understanding of my situation and have agreed not to send the bills to a third party collection agency. I suggest you call, as I did, to apprise them if you face a similar situation.

Also, if the deceased had memberships in anything, I suggest you call and inform them of the death and ask them to close the account and take your name off their mailing list. This may take a year, as some organizations only send mailers once a year.

Check the computer. My wife had several on-line accounts that were being drafted or put on credit cards monthly. You might not even be aware the deceased had the accounts. I have been paying for an Ebay store that I did not know she still had.

Check credit card statements to see what charges are being made monthly. You may find there are services you did not know about or wasn't aware of at all that you are still being charged for but not using.


While I'm at it, I want to address the issue of caskets. What a scam! Funeral homes will charge you thousands of dollars more for a casket than a casket store will. The funeral home I contacted wanted almost $4000 for a particular casket. I went to a casket store in Dallas and bought the same exact one for $995. (be aware of the shipping costs if you have to have it shipped. They can be quite expensive, so if you can arrange to pick it up, do so yourself)

These are some of the issues I have dealt with.....so far. If you can add to the list, please do. It's hard enough to deal with the death of a loved one, but you will find yourself under time constraints to get the funeral planned and there are vultures out there who will pray on your emotion and take you for every dime they can. It's what they do! I suggest you contact someone who is familiar with planning a funeral to go with you or help with the planning. Also, shop around. Not all funeral homes bilk you as bad as some others. You can save thousands of dollars in unnecessary expenses by avoiding the vultures.

You might not think this deals with grieving, but rest assured, you will be grieving more if you do not address these issues promptly.


Uben

[woodsprite]

1. This is so helpful.

I remember what my brother and I had to help Mom with when Dad passed. We didn't have a clue. Dad was the person who took care of everything. My brother was not much help being a single dad of 4 kids, Mom was in a fog and I was only 23, so not a lot of experience there. My brother and I were much better at coping when Mom passed 10 yrs later.

We knew it was going to happen so had been talking about a funeral, etc. My brother put me in charge of selecting casket, clothes, flowers, etc. I just happened to go to one of the casket store web sites and had printed out the casket that I wanted for Mom. When the time came to arrange the funeral, the funeral home matched the price, so no shipping charges. I had no idea they would do that.

Mom wanted to be buried in the dress she gave me away in at my wedding or one of the 'negligees' that were so pretty at the funeral home. Turns out my SIL had accidentally sold the dress at a yardsale and the clothes at the funeral home were soooo expensive. I was able to go to Macy's and find a beautiful mother of the bride gown off the discount rack in the color Mom wanted for a huge savings (it was $20.00 - the clerk had to ask her manager if that was the correct price).

We felt relieved, because we were able to have the funeral that Mom would have wanted.

[Little Star]

2. This kind of stuff is where I'm at right now Uben...

Yikes! It's scary and confusing, at least it is for me.

Do you have any grown children nearby? I am thanking my lucky stars for mine right about now.

OK. Your post has caused me to tear up, in solidarity with what you are going through. Can't see through the tears to type much.

Here is a hug for you.. You are in my heart.

[Uben]

3. Yes, I have grown kids nearby.....

...but it was my brother in law who helped me through the funeral stuff. HE is an ordained minister and has dealt with many funerals and funeral homes. He knew the ropes. HAd it not been for him, I would have suckered for the scam like most people do.

Thanks for that hug, LS. Having been thru the struggles of cancer, I often type through the tears when I read of others who are where I have been. I know what they are going through and how really tough it is, and it breaks my heart to think of it.

[47of74]

11. Most of my mom's side wants to be cremated when it's time...

I think after grandma died they realized just how expensive some of that stuff can be.

[livetohike]

5. Thank you for taking the time to post this Uben

[Uben]

6. At some point you will want to close joint accounts or.....

..have them put in your name only. Most of these will require a certified death certificate, so be sure to get 8-10 of them from the funeral home. They usually offer to supply them for you. All insurance companies will require one, originals , not copies.

My wife made her will on Legal Zoom on the computer. She got it signed by three witnesses but never got it notarized. That is still a valid will, but one or two of the witnesses will have to testify at a hearing if it does not get notarized, so make sure your wills are notarized.

And, as hard as it is, you really need to talk about what needs to be done with a sick loved one in the event they die suddenly. We did not talk nearly enough about that when Carol was sick. I wish we had. I have had to overcome a few obstacles, but fortunately we did talk enough about it to be better prepared.

[onecent]

12. It is actually wise to keep at least one bank account open with the deceased name on it

for at least a year. Whey my husband died I left his name on the accounts (they are still there today) and that next year we both got that stimulus check
for $400? or 600 each, cannot remember, and I would have had trouble getting his check deposited to my bank especially if
the person doing the transaction doesn't know you. He passed 6 years ago and having his name on my checking account and
all the utilities makes me feel safer.

just an FYI.. Very good info, I'm going to print your info for my daughter, especially regarding the coffin. Thanks

[glinda]

7. This is all great information. My mother just passed a few days ago.

Monday is the funeral. Recently convinced my father to take out two Funeral Insurance Policies should either of them have to go on Medical Assistance since they were both ill at the same time. This would protect them from having the money taken by the County.
My father switched funeral homes on us and somehow the bill got bigger. Arrrrgh. In fact, the funeral director insulted my husband and I so much we are not attending the viewing of my own mother.
Everyone smells money when someone is possibly going to pass. Everyone. If you can keep this in mind through the whole process and somehow manage to do your research, you can find better deals and kinder people.

[Uben]

8. I'm sorry for your loss.....

Losing your mom is a tough row to hoe. I lost my dad in 1991 and my wife a couple of months ago. I'm just starting to see the pain of losing my wife ease up a bit. I no longer have tears everyday, but some days I still have lots of them. Losing mom is gonna be tough, too. I still almost hope I go first, but I hope thats 20 or so yrs from now. She is 78 and I am 57. I actually sent my wife's body to a different funeral home in town, but after discussing pricing with them, I had her transferred to one 30 miles away. The difference was about $4000. And both local funeral homes were in cahoots on their pricing, so I just bad-mouth em every chance I get. I hate to see people getting taken advantage of in their time of greatest sorrow.

[glinda]

9. Wow! Isn't it amazing about the racket these places are

involved in? The greed and lying is stunning.
I too am waiting for the funeral to be over and then I will give them bad reviews on the internet. And worst part I will be honest about what I say. It is not going to be pretty.
I too am very very sorry that you are so sad still. Sorry for your loss.

[47of74]

10. Great-uncle

When my great-uncle died practically every developer within 100 miles was pestering my family about the extensive amounts of farm land he owned.