Suddenly single.....

[Uben]

....kinda sounds like a movie title doesn't it? Maybe it is, I don't know.

I started this thread to talk about life after a spouse passes. Not so much about the grieving process, but all the other things we are faced with when a spouse dies....and there's plenty to go around.

Allow yourself time to get things done. If an item is hard to do, or a decision is difficult to make, then wait. You will know when the time is right.

Emotional Concerns

• Be good to yourself.


• Get out of the house now and then.


• Cry.


• Find and do things that bring joy and laughter to your life.


• Start a personal journal.


• Join a support group.


• If you or your children need professional help, get it.

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Practical Concerns


• Avoid hasty decisions...wait a year before selling the house, moving, or making any major purchases.


• Get a post office box. (It'll get you out of the house)


• Don't become romantically involved with anyone for at least a year. You need this year for introspection and personal growth.


• Stay in charge of your own life. Don't let the kids take over.


• If your spouse has died, answer the mail and condolence letters.

• Ask for specific help from family and friends when you need it.
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Financial and Legal Concerns


• Change bank accounts.


• Notify Social Security, business associates, employees, organizations, banks, auto registration, credit cards, bond and stock titles, and real estate titles of your change in marital status.


• Review auto, home and personal insurance needs.


• Don't pay any bills you are unsure of until you verify their authenticity.


• Hold off on paying medical and legal bills until they are all in.


• Ask the funeral home for 6-8 copies of the death certificate.

• Keep Social Security, bank account, and insurance numbers handy.


• Set up a file for copies of everything that has to do with the estate , including notes from telephone conversations.


• When you are coping with death, you will have to deal with the personal belongings of your spouse. Don't run away from emptying drawers and closets.
Don't let someone else do this for you. It is a necessary part of the grieving process. It may be helpful to have someone with you who is understanding and can share your memories and stories.



• File insurance claims. Check on mortgage, credit, or work related insurance policies
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One of my biggest dreads was dealing with the mountain of medical bills that were associated with Carol's cancer and death. The stack continues to grow, but I am waiting until they all get in before paying anymore. My insurance deductible is has already been met but I still have to pay 40% of the rest until I hit a total out of pocket of $15K. I have the money to pay, but I do not want to pay any more than what I am liable for, so....I wait.

Feel free to add anything that can help us through these difficult times. We need all the help we can get!

[MindMover]

1. Sorry for your loss ... from the looks of this post it seems you have a very good perspective....

[Paper Roses]

2. Good advice to all who suffer a loss.

There are a couple of things I can add, having been through a loss.

If credit cards are only in the name of the deceased, check..you may not have to pay them .Ask for legal advice.
If your spouse is a VA patient, check immediately. If a hospital visit and treatment was required and there was no time to get the patient to a VA facility, notify the VA. Bills may be paid by the VA and not out of your pocket.

When my husband died, I paid his credit card balance and I paid the hospital bill. It was an emergency and there was no time to get him to a VA facility.
I found out that his CC would be voided. I did not have to pay.
If I had notified the VA, they would have picked up the hospital bill not covered my Medicare.

No-one ever told me things and I never thought to inquire.
Before you pay anything, ask the lawyer handling the estate.

[orleans]

3. re: credit cards

our family lawyer told me that if i didn't pay off my mom's credit card bill the credit company could either put a lein on the house or demand it get paid whereby i would have to sell the house that i've lived in all my life! i'm paying the damn bill. still.

[orleans]

4. i never felt the need or the rush

to clean out my mom's room, dressers, closet. i still live in this house and her room remains pretty much as she left it--i picked it up a bit, put some bills/papers away and made the bed.

her things are on her dresser, her clothes in her closet, her things in the dresser drawers. her shoes beside her bed.

sometimes i go in her room to surround myself with her--talk to her, cry for her. the bedroom door stays open and it's comforting to glance in there as i go down the hallway. at first it was heartbreaking--now it helps me feel like my life is back to normal, that everything is fine.

it's been over two years since she passed on but i feel, often, her spirit is still around this house and with me. sometimes i tell her to give me a sign that she's still here. i asked that last evening when i was putting the dishes away. i talked about how one of the lights in the kitchen used to go on and off during that first year. (she's given me countless "signs" from seeing her name on a license plate, to knocking on the wall with a signal we used to use, to the smell of her perfume and even turning off the tv when it up too loud--two times within ten minutes!) anyway, i got my sign last night--about two hours later when my daughter and i were reading through a play i wrote about spirits and signs based a lot on my mom. crash. the sound came from the kitchen. a pair of scissors that were on top of two boxes fell. no one had been in the kitchen for a couple hours and there was no way they could have fallen on their own.

[KC]

5. I agree

Last edited Mon Mar 12, 2012, 10:49 AM - Edit history (1)

with you when you said you never felt
rushed to get rid of things, I never did either. It was a comfort for me then and even now it still is, but everyone handles it differently.

[GreenPartyVoter]

6. This is a great list! *hugs*