Whatever happened to the three wise men?

[Brainstormy]

Someone asked in another thread about whatever happened to these guys. Turns out, I'd recently researched the mystery.

"Despite presumably having hailed from three different continents (Africa, Europe and Asia, respectively), the three wise men had managed a reunion for the purposes of croaking, and being buried together, in the Land of Ind, where in the kind of happy coincidence that we’ve come to expect from Constantine's mom [Queen Helena, the founding mother of the relic biz], they were luckily discovered. Helena decided to put all the wise man bones into a single chest which she jazzed up with jewels and gold and other assorted bling and then she carted the whole thing back to the church of Saint Sophia in Constantinople. There the mummies rested comfortably until AD 1164 when Holy Roman Emperor Frederick moved them one last time to Cologne, where they reside to this very day. "

From "Exit Through the Grift Shop" in my forthcoming book, Laughing at the Gods.


You probably don't even want to know about what happened to Jesus' foreskin and other proliferating penis pieces.

[2naSalit]

1. Now that's interesting

Not that I care about religion and it's trappings so much as I find the archaeological aspect interesting.

[The Blue Flower]

2. Love your title!

As an author, I struggle to come up with titles that capture what my work is about. I so appreciate the creativity that went into this one.

[Brainstormy]

3. Titles are tough!

I'm struggling now with the subtitle. Hope I can nail it by fall when I'm supposed to be finished.

[packman]

4. Jesus' foreskin

ascended into heaven where God made it into the rings around Saturn - hell, everyone knows that.

[Brainstormy]

6. well, maybe

If that was the REAL one. There were 30 more claimants. Enough to become an embarrassment to the Catholic Church. (Imagine that.) The last one was stolen in 1983 from this church in Calcutta. I think the Golam took it. It became the real "precious." That's my theory anyway.

[Ferrets are Cool]

5. In a related story...

DNA test reveal that the bones weren't human.

[rock]

7. As I read the quoted paragraph, my brain did a double take

"Respectively"? As in both orders the same. What "both" orders? I assume the wise men's names had been mentioned just before the quoted material. Then I got really confused because Google tells me, "There is an Armenian tradition identifying the 'Magi of Bethlehem' as Balthasar of Arabia, Melchior of Persia, and Gaspar of India." All in Asia. What's that you say? Why, no, I'm not very busy today at all. How'd you know?

[Brainstormy]

8. yes, you're right

in the original quote the three names are there. I butchered it, by trying to shorten it for post. But no, they did not all hail from Asia. At least that's not what my research says. ( 14th century cleric John of Hildesheim ) "Research," however, on this stuff, may be taken with a grain, or whole shaker, of salt. I'll check on the Armenian version, tho. Thanks!

[uriel1972]

19. Asia meant different things to different people over time...

Then there is the Asia Minor bit.

[mountain grammy]

9. "Exit through the Grift Shop"

Excellent!

[Brainstormy]

10. Thanks!

Chapter covers relics in various religions. and indulgences, a business model that puts all the sharks in the tank to shame.

[eppur_se_muova]

11. Will be looking for that book. nt

[A HERETIC I AM]

12. Well, since the Three Wise Men are stars, who knows what is in that box

http://www.stellarhousepublishing.com/star-east-three-kings.html

[Brainstormy]

13. Great link!

Thanks!

[edhopper]

14. Thanks

that was me who asked in my OP.
Now I know. Three guys traveled vast distances to see God born and then went home.
At no time in the next 33 years did they ask, "Hey, I wonder what God is doing?"
Then they have a reunion and die.

Helena was such a easy mark. Amazing Christians take any of the supposed holy sites in Israel seriously.
The biggest joke is the Holy Sepulcher. As if there was a Tomb for some itenerent preacher that people could point to 300 years later.

But I'm told the nativity story isn't silly and how dare I piss on people's beliefs.

[Brainstormy]

24. I know.

Atheists are so arrogant.

[uriel1972]

18. The last may be a bit too obscure for most folks...nt

[Brainstormy]

22. Actually I have a chapter

already titled "Prophets for Profit" which covers the megachurch, and televangelists (the pro wrestlers of religion), and some of history's biggest religious phonies. Maybe I'll use the Latin as a subtitle in that one. Thanks!

[Freelancer]

17. Oh thanks. Now I can't get "proliferating penis pieces" out of my head. Aargh! -nt

[Brainstormy]

25. Sorry.

I was pretty pleased with the alliteration, tho.

[Brainstormy]

23. Hilarious! n/t

[3catwoman3]

26. For some stream-of-consciousness...

...reason, the first answer to your question of "What happened to the Three Wise Men?" that popped into my mind is a line from the "Bye, Bye, Miss American Pie" song -

They took the last train to the coast.

[delisen]

27. Was that the same train the 16 vestal virgins of

Procul Harum took to the coast? or was that a different coast ?

[Brainstormy]

29. Sixteen vestal virgins?

Last edited Wed Jan 3, 2018, 09:26 AM - Edit history (1)

Now look what you've done. I've had to go off chasing the real number of real virgins. You think there were 16. Plutarch said there were only two. Listserve (Item 8) says there could only be 6.

https://listverse.com/2016/06/21/10-fascinating-facts-about-romes-vestal-virgins/


The truth is [probably not] out there.

[delisen]

30. Well Procul Harum were probably high when they wrote 16.

I should have gone with the Classics.

[FiveGoodMen]

28. And while we're at it, whatever happened...

... to the Transylvania Twist?