Someone Made a Sign for Religious People Outside a Memorial Service

[NeoGreen]

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/08/28/someone-made-a-sign-for-religious-people-outside-a-memorial-service/?ref_widget=popular&ref_blog=danthropology&ref_post=conservative-columnist-quits-after-neil-degrasse-tyson-embarrassed-him

Someone Made a Sign for Religious People Outside a Memorial Service

Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard enough. But it’s so much worse when people, with all the best of intentions, tell you that it happened “for a reason” or that the deceased is in “a better place.” Atheists don’t buy into those tropes.

According to a user on Reddit, when a friend’s husband recently died, she didn’t want to deal with any more of those comments. She joked about how might just put up a sign asking people not to say those things.

And when the Redditor attended the memorial service on Friday, this is what he saw outside:

[hibbing]

1. The "he's in a better place" has always bothered me

I would never in my life say that to someone. However, I understand the comfort that might bring to some.

Peace

[Moostache]

2. I always struggle with what to say to the grieving, but truth is they need support not words.

Expressing that you are present and that you care and that you are there for them to listen is more valuable than any words or expressions or condolences. Empathy and compassion are what separate humans from our ancestors and relatives in the animal kingdom.

That said, I too have often cringed at the "better place" and "god's plan" things. Those seem almost cruel to say to people who are left in grief and mourning. The "better place" denigrates the time and place shared with their departed loved one and the "plan" thing is just plain hurtful. What the hell kind of 'plan' involves the intentional infliction of pain on someone?

Hopefully the sign helped some people recognize the importance of just being there versus being there to say inane things because of the awkwardness of the situation for those not as acutely touched by the loss...

[mopinko]

5. holding space

is what they teach us in hospice care.
last week i had a patient i was visiting break down in tears, and insisted that her family doesnt support her and wants her to hurry up and die.
i just put my arm around her, patted her shoulders, and listened to her, and let her cry.
on the way out of the room, i patted her husband to let him know that i didnt really swallow all that she had said about him.

i have also just sat quietly in the rooms of people w no family around.

just being there means a lot more than most people think.
and yeah, i would never say any of those things. they are stupid.

[Freelancer]

3. Neat sign. I like the idea, but...

At my age, it seems like the only times I get dressed up is to go to a funeral. You can't know what a funeral is going to bring out in people. Their sleeping emotional monsters -- chief among them the fear of death -- are being poked hard with a stick. Attendees say and do stupid things. My cousin once did cartwheels in front of a casket, then went out to the parking lot and wept.

The most bereaved may not want to hear certain things, but when others come to a funeral, it's a complete grab-bag. Signs are neat, and clever, but be kind. What people blurt out isn't about you. necessarily. It's their internal mess laid bare.

[Warpy]

4. Thank you, what a kind response

When my mother died, I couldn't believe some of the things falling out of my dad's mouth. Fortunately, years in nursing and dealing with newly bereaved families taught me how powerful shock can be, even when the death is not only expected, but hoped for in a person wracked by disease and pain.

Both my parents opted for cremation and adamantly opposed any sort of funeral, so I wasn't subjected to god squad relatives saying tacky things they thought should be comforting. However, if I'd had to get through funerals, I knew where that stuff would come from, also.