Mom's imaginary friend more important than her son

[knowledgeispwr]

A little background. I'm gay and an atheist. I've never come out as atheist (deconverted in 2011), although a few friends know. I came out as gay to some of my friends in 2006 and to my parents in 2007. My dad was fine with it, my mom didn't take it well due to her conservative Christian beliefs.

Fast forward to today. I've been with my now husband for over seven years and we are approaching our first anniversary of our marriage. We have been in our house, about 25 minutes from my parents, for 2.5 years. My mom has yet to set foot in it. Dad has visited several times and my relationship with him is fine. My relationship with my mom has been on the rocks for quite sometime, because of her attitude towards me being gay.

Recently, I visited my parents at their house after not visiting for a long time, to see my dad. I confronted mom about not visiting me, although she lives relatively close. She said she couldn't visit my house because she would be "condoning 'my' choice" (of being gay and happy?) and that she couldn't do that. She is set in her interpretation of the Bible of homosexuality being wrong and a sin. She has to satisfy "the most high" (what's she taken to call her deity lately) above all. I told her I felt angry and hurt by her decision, and she said she also felt hurt by my "decisions". I let her know that our relationship was on bad footing and that that was her choice, her doing.

I realized she values her relationship with her imaginary friend more than her relationship with me, her only son.

[Downwinder]

1. I'll probably step in it here, but I'm confused.

Is it a mother son relationship or a mother daughter relationship? The two are not the same.

[knowledgeispwr]

2. Mother son

I'm her son.

[angstlessk]

3. I had the same question. n/t

[beam me up scottie]

4. I'm sorry that your mom can't get past her beliefs.

She should be thrilled that her son found love, it's not easy.

I don't have any advice just letting you know that someone's listening.

[edhopper]

5. I'm sorry

your Mom thinks God wants here to be so hateful.

Not a nice God.

[knowledgeispwr]

12. I did ask her about a loving god...

And she said that he doesn't love everything. She seemed to be going down the "he is just; he hates sin" road.

[Curmudgeoness]

6. There is no solution to rabid religionism.

I am sorry that she has taken that attitude, but it happens. Be grateful that your father is supportive and visits you. Don't try to push your mother any more than you have. She will not budge at this point, but may soften in time if you don't alienate her. You are both hurt, even if she is being unreasonable. God gets in the way of more families than just about anything.

Funny how some people think that one "sin" is much worse than others. The Bible has a lot more to say about other "sins", and I am sure that she is not perfect. Funny how they think that being gay is a worse sin than something like shoplifting or eating shellfish.

[mountain grammy]

7. I'm really sorry, and, someday I hope your mom will be too.

such a waste of time and energy over a fact of life. Good for your dad!

I've told my kids, the only thing they could ever do to lose me would be to become Republicans. So far, so good.

[knowledgeispwr]

10. You sound like my mother-in-law!

My mother-in-law actually told my husband and his siblings as they were growing up that she didn't care who they brought home as long as they weren't Republicans, haha!

Thanks.

[Arugula Latte]

8. Can you point out her hypocrisy by not following other Biblical passages?

There are a shitload of crazy ones, obviously, and maybe you could ask her why she feels so strongly about the gay thing and not strongly about the other lunacy in that stupid book of mythology.

[SusanCalvin]

9. The trouble is, they're not generally susceptible to logic. nt

[knowledgeispwr]

11. I think you are right...

I did try to talk to her about what was just or loving about making certain things "sins" or making "sin" a hereditary disease, but she more or less responded that god could do whatever he wanted and that he was just. Also, that I should "ask him" about the reasons for certain things.

I'm way past that.

[SusanCalvin]

14. I wish you the best possible.

[kdmorris]

13. I have no sage advice

Just wanted to tell you I'm sorry your mother is treating you like this. That truly sucks.

[Iggo]

15. Yep.

That's all I can say.

[muriel_volestrangler]

16. It's sad. The bible has specific instructions to choose Jesus over family

and people who think it's right on everything will behave in this awful way.

Many people were traveling with Jesus. He said to them, 26 “If you come to me but will not leave your family, you cannot be my follower. You must love me more than your father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters—even more than your own life! 27 Whoever will not carry the cross that is given to them when they follow me cannot be my follower.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+14%3A25-27&version=ERV

Your best bet might be the line of argument that the bible doesn't have any words attributed to Jesus about homosexuality. That might plant some doubt in her mind about whether it's actually important to her Jesus.

[knowledgeispwr]

17. Thanks. I've considered that...

but I'm also at the point of not wanting to continue to argue about it. Maybe she will eventually come around.

[onager]

18. Sorry. Saw a similar story on TV last night...

"Hoarders." Gay man in rural Georgia. Came out at 15, was totally rejected by his father and stepmother.

Dad said on-camera: "My religion teaches that homosexuality is wrong."

Well, your religion teaches that divorce is wrong too, you old asshole. But you didn't have a problem violating that rule, since your ex-wife is still very much alive. In fact, his natural Mom and older brother seemed to accept the gay guy without any problems.

The show had one of those reality-TV kumbayah endings with father and son embracing. But being a skeptic, I had to wonder how real that was and how long it would last. As we all know, religion is a powerful drug.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

21. Speaking of hoarders,

My mom was an incurable hoarder. She also got Alzheimers and was very irrational and nasty. She had trails through the junk in her house. She would not let me throw anything away. I was her only surviving child but her junk was more important than any family. I got sick from the filth when I went to see her and dad. They looked at me like they just could not figure out why i was vomiting uncontrollably with a sinus infection when they took me to the emergency room. I had to outlive her to wait to throw anything out. Most of the people on those hoarding shows have driven away their family. Their junk is more important than their kids and that is sad. I have sympathy for OP. I am not saying my situation is worse. Many things can cause irrational alienation.

[knowledgeispwr]

23. Funny how people can practically throw away others...

friends and family, over silly edicts from ancient story books.

[nil desperandum]

19. Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

I asked my mom how many gods besides hers that she believed in, she said none. I asked why didn't she believe in the gods of other cultures on this earth and she stated it's because those gods were ridiculous notions...

I looked at her and I said, "exactly"...she never bothered me about coming back to the church again.

I am sorry things are going the way they are for you. I hope it sorts itself out.

[knowledgeispwr]

24. Neat way to explain your non-belief to your mom.

Thanks and I hope they improve as well.

[nil desperandum]

25. You are most welcome

There's no benefit to making it confrontational if you can avoid it, sometimes you just can't determine how the other persons wants to behave regardless of your actions.

When I said that to her, it was more light hearted than how it appears as the written word...she understood my point though and it was good stuff.

She and my dad have both passed but they were able to enjoy my children without worrying that their eternal souls were damned for all time...or if they were worried about that they never let on.

Best to you with your continued efforts!

[progressoid]

20. That stinks.

Wouldn't it be great if someone from her church could steer her in a more accepting and loving . . . oh, never mind.

But congrats on your marriage!

[knowledgeispwr]

22. Thanks!

Yeah, I don't know how likely a "more accepting and loving" route is with her current church.

[AlbertCat]

26. Remember.....

..... families are just strangers thrown together by DNA. There's no guarantee of the relationships between members.

[RussBLib]

27. If homosexuality was so taboo to Jesus

why didn't they put it in the 10 Commandments?

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