Atheists & Agnostics

Freelancer

(2,107 posts) Thu Dec 31, 2015, 04:06 AM Dec 2015

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This message was self-deleted by its author (Freelancer) on Tue Jul 23, 2019, 09:27 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

21 replies

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This message was self-deleted by its author (Original Post) Freelancer Dec 2015 OP

Then Gestas pipes up... NeoGreen Dec 2015 #1

That whole movie! progressoid Dec 2015 #6

One of my favorites... bvf Dec 2015 #2

Yes, I know that one. mr blur Dec 2015 #3

Most of mine are Alertable, too. onager Dec 2015 #4

Haha! Shadowflash Dec 2015 #5

made me laugh out loud on the train tk2kewl Dec 2015 #9

Jesus Christ walks into an inn. progressoid Dec 2015 #7

Southern joke... onager Dec 2015 #8

In the same vein whatthehey Dec 2015 #10

You are in the right forum for this. edhopper Dec 2015 #11

well, that will go down well.... uriel1972 Dec 2015 #13

I had not seen that term edhopper Dec 2015 #14

.... Goblinmonger Dec 2015 #17

lol edhopper Jan 2016 #21

Cross your legs, Buddy catnhatnh Dec 2015 #12

This message was self-deleted by its author mr blur Dec 2015 #15

Cyanide and Happiness have a lot Goblinmonger Dec 2015 #16

Moses and Jesus were walking along... Gore1FL Dec 2015 #18

This message was self-deleted by its author Freelancer Jan 2016 #20

This message was self-deleted by its author Freelancer Dec 2015 #19

NeoGreen

(4,033 posts)

1. Then Gestas pipes up...

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 06:32 AM

Dec 2015

Last edited Thu Dec 31, 2015, 07:56 AM - Edit history (1)

..."Yeah...I can see it too."

(inside family joke from the comedy show 'Who's Line Is It Anyway')

I think I found a link (can't view it from work, have to trust the google search image)

Plus one of my favorite comedy scenes from a cross (the pond....ha ha...I kill myself):

https://m.

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progressoid

(50,785 posts)

6. That whole movie!

Reply to NeoGreen (Reply #1)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 09:15 AM

Dec 2015

"How shall we fuck off o Lord?"

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bvf

(6,604 posts)

2. One of my favorites...

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 06:52 AM

Dec 2015

And a close second, also courtesy of B. Kliban:

I'd also include a joke that, to my knowledge, is attributable to the late, great John Belushi, having to do with God the Father warning Eve not to bathe in a particular river. The punchline would certainly garner an alert, and even possibly get me banned.

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mr blur

(7,753 posts)

3. Yes, I know that one.

Reply to bvf (Reply #2)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 08:03 AM

Dec 2015

Probably wise.

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onager

(9,356 posts)

4. Most of mine are Alertable, too.

Reply to bvf (Reply #2)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 08:18 AM

Dec 2015

e.g., one that starts like the OP. But with Judas standing under the cross. DIRECTLY under the cross...

Not really a joke, I guess. But the latest Shroud Of Turin nonsense reminds me of this:

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Shadowflash

(1,536 posts)

5. Haha!

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 08:39 AM

Dec 2015

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tk2kewl

(18,133 posts)

9. made me laugh out loud on the train

Reply to Shadowflash (Reply #5)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 09:30 AM

Dec 2015

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progressoid

(50,785 posts)

7. Jesus Christ walks into an inn.

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 09:19 AM

Dec 2015

He hands the innkeeper 3 nails and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"

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onager

(9,356 posts)

8. Southern joke...

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 09:29 AM

Dec 2015

And one I've told in here before, so old-timers will be eye-rolling. But for our newer victims...

In a dim, smoky honky-tonk somewhere in Georgia, a blind man, a one-armed man and a redneck are having a beer.

The one-armed man peers toward the other end of the bar, which is barely visible. "I'll be damned! That looks like Jesus Christ sitting down there. I...uh...it IS Jesus! He looks just like he did in the Sunday School books! Bartender! Give my buddy Jesus a beer on me."

Bartender serves the bearded, long-haired guy his free beer. The guy slowly rises from his bar stool, walks to the one-armed man, and gently touches his shoulder.

"Look! My arm growed back!"

The blind man quickly tells the bartender to give Jesus a beer on him. The bartender does. Jesus gently touches the man's eyes.

"I'm healed! I can SEE! It's a miracle."

Jesus turns toward the redneck. Who says: "Don't you touch me, you son-of-a-bitch. I'm collecting Disability."

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whatthehey

(3,660 posts)

10. In the same vein

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 09:55 AM

Dec 2015

You have to have the right imagination for this one
--------------------------------------------

"Peter, Peter. Take me down from this cross."

"Yes, Oh Lord."

"Feet first you bastaaaaaard!"

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edhopper

(35,012 posts)

11. You are in the right forum for this.

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 10:35 AM

Dec 2015

I like the Jesus/Zombie jokes.

This one is pretty good;

[IMG][/IMG]

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uriel1972

(4,261 posts)

13. well, that will go down well....

Reply to edhopper (Reply #11)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 10:50 AM

Dec 2015

with those who monitor
besides Jesus was a lich!

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edhopper

(35,012 posts)

14. I had not seen that term

Reply to uriel1972 (Reply #13)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 11:16 AM

Dec 2015

cool, thanks.

as for anyone who is offended by coming here and seeing what the nasty atheists are saying, Fuck'em.

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Goblinmonger

(22,340 posts)

17. ....

Reply to edhopper (Reply #11)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 05:05 PM

Dec 2015

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edhopper

(35,012 posts)

21. lol

Reply to Goblinmonger (Reply #17)

Fri Jan 1, 2016, 02:14 PM

Jan 2016

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catnhatnh

(8,976 posts)

12. Cross your legs, Buddy

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 10:35 AM

Dec 2015

I only got three nails!

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Response to Freelancer (Original post)

mr blur This message was self-deleted by its author.

Goblinmonger

(22,340 posts)

16. Cyanide and Happiness have a lot

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 05:04 PM

Dec 2015

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Gore1FL

(21,972 posts)

18. Moses and Jesus were walking along...

Reply to Freelancer (Original post)

Thu Dec 31, 2015, 05:55 PM

Dec 2015

As They walked they came across a lake.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "hang on for a second, Lord, I want to see if I still have it."
He then turned to the Lake raised his staff and the water parted. He lowered his staff and bragged "Yep, still got it."

Jesus, not to be outdone, said "step aside" and push Moses out of his way as the crucified and risen savior headed towards the water. As he began to walk on it, he found himself in water to his ankles, knees, chest... Soon he was submerged completely.

Thinking quickly, Moses parted the water and saved Jesus from a second death. After Jesus was safely on the shore, Moses reminded him, "Lord, you have holes in your feet now."