Need advice for a friend who stopped believing but is heavily involved in the church:
(I am posting this for a very good friend of mine who's concerned about a girl he knows)
She is quite religious, goes to church, youth groups, etc.
However, a few days ago, she started talking about something that's really been stressing her out in the last month. As it turns out, she doesn't believe anything the church has told her. She really wants to--her whole community is based in and around the church. Most of her friends are heavily involved in all of it. But she just can't (for obvious reasons).
I'm wondering if you have any idea what to say to her to help her through this. I have never been in her position before, so I don't know what might help, and my friends I have who became atheists weren't worried about leaving that community.
I think she's planning on staying in all of it and just letting everyone know that she doesn't believe any of it. I don't know how well it'll go, but if there's a community that will still accept her despite her lack of belief, it's that one. A good group of people, for the most part. And she's not about to be wooed back into the church, thankfully. Too smart and too honest for that.
Your thoughts A&A regulars?
= new reply since forum marked as read
Surrounded by believers, including Young Earth Creationists. Not ostracized. (yet 
)
The only two tidbits of info which might help:
• avoid friction: no need for your friend to clarify why she doesn't believe
Even if they ask, they're not really interested to understand/change (*). Let sleeping dogs lie.
• build on commonalities: if there's a charity drive, your friend can participate.
Or have discussions if some people are really interested in intellectual debate (exception to *)
But I would wait quite a while before this type of discussions.
My two cents, best of luck to your friend 
Thank you for that, best of luck to you as well.
1- she can make people switch to soft unbelief
2- she can make pastors doubt (my favorite game )
People need to be aware of stealth religionists who'll take advantage of any situation.
They won't hesitate to "pray" on folks who are too trusting.
Sorry you had to deal with them. I am much less forgiving than I used to be of anyone who pushes my buttons.
I will make a scene.
I'm surrounded by believers. I can't 'try to fit in' as a member of the religion.
The trick that worked for me was to be the unobtrusive person in the landscape.
Even as an unobtrusive person in the landscape who would answer back if challenged.
Maybe not a duplicable recipe, probably depends on the atmospherics.
Last edited Fri Jun 12, 2015, 12:49 AM - Edit history (1)
They are entering a new phase of their life, one that is very uncertain. It can be exciting, but at the same time quite frightening. I would suggest providing alternatives, including written material and allow her to find her own footing, so she feels in control. One of the biggest "mistakes" people make when "helping" someone who is coming out, is 'telling' them what to do or how they should do it. The situation is always individual and unique and must be treated as such. She needs some who will listen, not dictate. Someone who provides comfort, not restraint. Most of all, she needs someone who will be honest and that includes talking about the "bad stuff."
edit: didn't proofread! 
I hope no one shuns her. I have lost friends because of ideological differences but what I went through was nothing compared to what she will experience if one or more of her friends turn on her simply because she stopped believing.
What you said makes a lot of sense.
You are awesome, thank you.
I didn't see that one when I googled, thank you.
