An Atheist’s Open Letter to Those Praying for His Son

[PeaceNikki]

The following open letter may upset you. You may feel insulted because when it comes to matters of faith, people are more apt to take criticism personally and react defensively when their religious beliefs are brought into question. Please know it is not my intent to offend, because as I said earlier, I am truly grateful for the offers of support and kind words from family and friends. But sometimes we’re faced with emotional situations that escalate to a boiling point. I’m at that point, and it’s time to open a vent.

I’d like to open this letter by acknowledging and thanking those who have shared that they’re praying for my son, who was born prematurely and since then has resided in our local neonatal intensive care unit. I realize your intentions are good and that you believe your prayers are helping him grow stronger. By appealing to a deity that you believe exists and listens to your pleas, you feel you’re offering your support and contributing to my son’s cause in some way. Because I realize you believe you’re helping, I thank you for doing what you feel will help my son get healthy and strong.

However, my wife and I are atheists. We don’t believe in the supernatural, and we have good reasons for that, but that’s a topic for another day. We have placed our trust in science and modern medicine, and we are absolutely amazed at what is possible, thanks to medical research and man’s advanced understanding of biological sciences. In fact, if we had not placed our trust in medicine, or lived in different times, or belonged to a religion that frowns upon fertility treatments or medically assisted conception, we would not have any children at all.

If we left it to a god to decide, our 4-year-old son, Ryan, would not exist. He would not have been conceived without modern science and fertility doctors. And if we had become pregnant on our own, he very well could have died in childbirth without the intervention of doctors and nurses, as my wife had to have an emergency c-section after a difficult attempt at childbirth that put Ryan at risk. If we left it to a god to decide, our 4-week-old, Grayson would not exist. He also would not have been conceived without modern science and an IVF procedure. And if we had become pregnant on our own that time, he would have died shortly after being born prematurely, without the intervention and constant care of doctors and nurses. Thanks to medical breakthroughs, not miracles, we have two children and get to experience all of the joy, pride, love, and everything else that comes with raising children — all of which would have been replaced with sorrow and heartache had we left it to a god to decide. We would have had no children, and like many of the religious, would have attempted to rationalize this in an attempt at comforting ourselves by saying it was god’s plan, or that everything happens for a reason.

So should you be appealing to that same supernatural entity to help protect my son — a child that he never wanted to exist? Does that make sense to you?

Much more at link: http://dividedundergod.com/2015/05/27/an-atheists-open-letter-to-those-praying-for-his-son/

And a fundraising site for the family: http://gofundme.com/GraysonFund

[trotsky]

1. I've never understood why "respect" for one's beliefs (or lack thereof) is ALWAYS one-way only.

Atheists MUST respect believers. We must politely smile and nod when they offer prayers instead of actual help.

And somehow, when we point out how useless prayer is, we're the bad guys. Worse than the religious fundamentalists even! After all, a prolific poster in the Religion group has said that criticism of religion is WORSE than any religion. So we atheists can just fuck off, it seems!

[SusanCalvin]

8. I have never felt called upon

To respect any religious beliefs, just the believer's right to hold them.

[mountain grammy]

4. Prayer chains for those missing in the flooding..

praying to the same being who, for believers, brought the floods that swept these people away.. I'll never understand the disconnect.

If it helps people deal with life and death, fine, but I gave up on it long ago, I think when I was 10 it hit me. My Dad died and a relative said God needed him more than we did. As a 10 year old, I knew that was lie.. it's all a lie.

[onager]

5. Thanks. A more horrible local example...

TRIGGER WARNING: Completely depressing story about the (non) Power Of Prayer (tm).

This happened Here in Darkest East Jesus-Stan, just a few weeks ago.

A young couple having their first child. Seemed to be a normal pregnancy, then something went horribly wrong. Piecing together local gossip, I think the baby's brain stopped developing. Scans also showed the baby would be born with serious physical defects.

The couple were young and healthy, and every doctor who looked at their case told them they should abort and try again. That doesn't happen very often around here - where an anti-choice member of the state legislature recently torpedoed an abortion law because it wasn't anti-abortion enough to suit him personally.

But the parents were also staunch anti-abortion Fundies and would not hear of an abortion.

The only medical facility that could handle the difficult birth was about 300 miles away. So when the woman came to term, they went there.

Accompanied by a local preacher and his Intercessory Prayer Team! I know this preacher - he's a loudmouthed ex-jock fond of sports metaphors. So I can just imagine him rallying the I.P.T. with speeches about how they would produce a healthy Miracle Baby and Win This One For Jesus.

That didn't happen. The baby didn't survive birth.

I'm sure not gloating about this. I think it's a horrible thing for everyone involved. But I also suspect the parents are dealing with tons of unnecessary guilt right now, thanks to their religious beliefs.

Or as somebody once observed: "Religion - the only business where the customers blame themselves for product failure."

[mr blur]

6. Aw, but you'll make the Prayer People cwy!

and hurt their fee-fees! And you know they're just trying to help in the best way they can. Respect to the letter writer; I doubt that I would have been so gentle.

[Rob H.]

7. Without going into too much detail, I've experienced something similar

that led to one person taking a seat and praying at my desk. I mean, it's great that he thought he was helping and I appreciated the gesture, but I just didn't see the point of him doing it because prayer doesn't really do anything. Prayer without work is worse than useless, it's a way for people to think they're helping while simultaneously not having to do anything substantive, imo.

[awoke_in_2003]

24. If someone came to my desk and started praying...

I would immediately go for a smoke.

[beam me up scottie]

9. "Don't pray for my son. Send me money."

Not going to link to the other room but that's what one person said about this poor father's blog post.

From the op:

As many of my readers have noticed, I haven’t posted anything in about a month. That’s because on April 27, my life got exponentially busier, when my wife went into preterm labor and delivered our son 12 weeks early. Grayson now lays in the local neonatal intensive care unit, where he’s been since he was born. He’s doing well and continues to grow and gain weight, but the experience has been draining — physically, emotionally, and financially.

His son has been in intensive care for over a month and that's the response he gets from a believer.

[onager]

10. Well, why save a stupid atheist baby...

...when your $15-18,000 can send American Baptists to annoy the locals in Taiwan?

Here's a hilarious thread about "mission trips" on the Southern Baptist Convention website. The not-so-hidden slagging and back-biting among the Faithful are really funny.

I also LOL'ed at the description of 10 to 12 mission-trippers getting in each other's way, as they mill around trying to do jobs that only need 2 people (like hanging a door).

For newer visitors, because I've mentioned this before - shortly before he got suddenly fired, the Baptist preacher at my mother's church was e-begging money for a "mission trip," using the church website.

He wanted to go preach Jebus to the ignorant heathen citizens of London. Yes, THAT London. The one with the big clock and the famous pagan landmark, Westminster Abbey. (He didn't get fired for that specifically, but more for General Dickishness.)

http://sbcvoices.com/overseas-mission-trips-do-they-serve-a-legitimate-purpose/

[beam me up scottie]

11. That comment was from a DUer.

Apparently the father's blog post directed at his followers was so offensive they just couldn't stop themselves from slandering the guy.

Which is why it was posted there in the first place - so they could sneer at him.

I'm sure they're pleased with themselves.


And your linked thread is a whole lot of wtf?

Amy says:

Here’s a question I did not see posed. Why in the world do those going on mission trips expect others to pay for it? I have a friend who went to Romania on a 10-day trip. Four of the days were spent traveling. So, for $3,000 he played with children at camp. He discussed at length how wonderful it was, and how it had really changed his life. That’s fine and well, but if he wants to spend 6 days playing with children, participating in an experience which broadened his horizons, he should pay for it. I am involved in dog rescue. $3,000 would go a really long way in helping homeless animals. I just don’t get it, and I believe it’s absurd.

John Wylie says;

Amy,

Even comparing mission trips to animal rescue is a little on the absurd side. If what this man did was impact even a single child for a eternity it’s more important than rescuing a thousand dogs.

So burdening one poor child with a lifetime of useless guilt so they can worship an imaginary abusive father figure is better than saving the lives of a thousand animals who are actually abused?


Thank you for yet another reason to be glad I'm not a sick twisted brainwashed fucking piss poor excuse for a human being.

And they wonder why we have a problem with religion...

[Lars39]

19. Thanks for that link, onager.

Until recently my BIL used to organize trips to Belgium and an Asian country to help with "sister churches" they established. He is well known as a missionary in SBC circles. He had been hired by a mega church specifically for this purpose.
The man has never done a lick of genuine work in his life. The mega church doesn't do anywhere near the equivalent money wise in their own community. It's all about The Great Commission for these lily handed saints.

[Rob H.]

12. So much for the claim that religion makes people more compassionate

It does seem to make believers a lot more willing to fabricate bullshit quotes and attribute them to people they disagree with, though.

[beam me up scottie]

13. I noticed that too.

A compassionate person wouldn't smear a father in need of support because he's honest about his atheism.

Nasty creatures.

[AlbertCat]

16. religion makes people more compassionate

Religion makes people crazy egotists. They do "compassionate" work, like telling strangers everything they know is wrong, for "points" with god.... but mainly for rewards in their community and so everyone will know how humble and compassionate they are in THIS life.

[PeaceNikki]

14. Holy shit, I didn't even know it was there. I avoid that group.

Good to see you, bmus!! I was wondering about you yesterday!!

[beam me up scottie]

15. I wish I hadn't seen that.

It's one thing to read hateful comments in the guy's blog but when you see them on a supposedly liberal website...

Good to be back, PeaceNikki!

[EvolveOrConvolve]

17. Some people can't help but be assholes, even here at DU

I've noticed that the more religious a population, the greater the percentage of assholes. And unfortunately it's not limited to conservative populations.

* note to potential jury members: before you vote to hide, note that I'm using the word "asshole" to describe someone mocking a man with a newborn baby in the NICU.

[beam me up scottie]

18. Unnecessary cruelty directed at a man asking for compassion from religious people.

For no other reason than because he's an outspoken atheist.

It reminded me of Bush mocking a condemned woman who was asking for mercy.

[Arugula Latte]

20. The implication is so ridiculous --> "I'll pray to the same asshole that put you in this situation

in the first place."

That so few people connect the dots is astounding.

[truebrit71]

21. Indeed...if there was a god, why would the child need any medical assistance?

He/she/it was too busy helping Lebron score baskets?

[cleanhippie]

22. I feel that offering prayer as a token of support for another is simply just the one praying

trying to make themselves feel better about themselves. Especially when the one being offered the prayer doesn't share the beliefs of the one praying.

IOW, it's a truly selfish act. YMMV.

[Act_of_Reparation]

23. Bingo.

It's their way of telling you, "I'm not gonna help you, but I'm sure as shit gonna help myself feel better about not helping you."

That's prayer. In a fucking nutshell.