A new language

[Cartoonist]

"The Church has to find a new language which will be understood and heard by people," Archbishop Diarmuid Martin of Dublin, one of the Church's most senior figures, told reporters after mass at the city's St Mary's Pro Cathedral.

"We have to see how is it that the Church's teaching on marriage and family is not being received even within its own flock."
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Can he be more clueless?

[trotsky]

1. LOL, behold the power of religious certainty.

Good. It will be their downfall.

[deucemagnet]

2. I think what he's looking for is called "Newspeak". n/t

[PeaceNikki]

3. I think they need Buddy Christ.

[Hoppy]

4. Good on the Archbishop. Why, as we speak, I am composing the framework of a new language.

Last edited Sun May 24, 2015, 10:28 AM - Edit history (3)

BEHOLD: DUMBFUCKERY ! The new language to explain sin.

You see, Esperanto didn't work out too well so I am out to save the church.

Definitions so far:

Buggery. Sexual activity that applies to male on female unwanted or unsolicited sexual advances or assault.

Legitimate Buggery:
Sexual advances that apply to priest on male children.

Legitimate Buggery With Absolution: This is when your parish priest suddenly is called on a special mission to do God's work and you never hear from him again.

Extreme Ordination, with Power to Absolve: This is when your Bishop or Cardinal has his discerning Power to Absolve recognized and is rewarded by being called to Rome to be appointed a diplomat with immunity and given the title of Accountant of Usage of Holy Toilet Paper. These appointments increase in direct proportion to the amount of money in the diocese that can be adjudicated by the courts from the diocese to those who were buggered.


Misplaced Buggery:
Sexual advances that apply to priest on female subjects.

Bugger-all: Priests' normal reaction to being horny.

Sin: Only two I can think of...
1. Not putting money in the collection basket.
2. Sexual activity involving male on male actions, unless one of the participants is a priest.

Legitimate sexual congress while married:
For this, I defer to the orthodox Jewish practice of having bed sheets, with a hole cut out, approximate 3 feet from the top of the sheet an 2 feet from the left side of the sheet. This separates the legitimate sex for procreation as opposed to the sinful act of sex in response to lustful thoughts.


D.U.rs, I need help with this. We have to get the laity's mind right with the church. Income is declining, year after year.


Yes, for those who failed interpretive reading in the 9th. grade, it is sarcasm.

[Hoppy]

5. Lets see how long before this one gets flagged.

[Major Nikon]

6. I suggest pig latin

[bvf]

7. Someone has a huge case of sour grapes. n/t.

[Binkie The Clown]

8. "I'm from the church and I'm here to teach you morality."

"Now stop thinking and let me tell you how it is."

[LostOne4Ever]

9. The problem isn't that we can't hear or understand their message

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]Rather that we think their message sucks and is more than likely one colossal lie. [/font]


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[Curmudgeoness]

10. The teachings are not being received,

but it isn't that they are not transmitting it.....ad nauseam. So the answer is, no, he can't be more clueless.

[nil desperandum]

11. Hmm

actually it would appear they've heard it, understood it, and blatantly chosen to reject it.

Things get dodgy for magical fairy tales when that rejection becomes a bit more regular in nature.

[AlbertCat]

12. "The Church has to find a new language which will be understood and heard by people,"

Wasn't Latin working?

[muriel_volestrangler]

13. Turns out he *could* be more clueless

He could be his bosses in the Vatican.